Can You Walk In These?

OK, check it out! I can't get on Facebook and post links from work. So, Imma share these with you, the heterosexual female consumer.
           
Hawt! I tell you! Hawt!

I was wondering…

• What state do you currently live in?

• Is that the state that you were born & raised in?

• Do you consider yourself "grown & sexy"?

• The color yellow...your thoughts? 

• Since high school graduation, how many fights (fist/knife/gun) have you been in?
• 0
• 1
• 2 or more

• If your mother is alive and somebody told her EXACTLY what you did last weekend, would she be appalled?

• What's the difference between a vitamin & a hormone?

• What did your therapist tell the court about your anger management issues?

• Yes or no, do you like rock music?

• Do your coworkers think you're professional?

• Have you ever awakened and not known where you were? Was it because of injury or inebriation?

• If you could, even at your age, develop superhuman abilities, what would you pick?

• Do you forward inspiration emails? Why?

• Sing, dance, or cook...which do you do best?

• Are you happy?

Audioslave - Moth

 

Thought I was different and it
seems I'm just the same
As a game I put my hand over the flame
I thought I was smarter as I flew into the sun
But it turned out the way it does with everyone

Oh, oh
I don't fly around your fire anymore
I don't fly around your fire anymore
Burnin', fallin' down so many times before
I don't fly around your fire anymore

I love the heat I love the things that I forgot
I love the strings that tie me down and cut me off
I was a king, I was a moth with
painted wings made of cloth
When did the flame burn so high and get so hot?

Oh, oh
I don't fly around your fire anymore
I don't fly around your fire anymore
Burnin', fallin' down so many times before
I don't fly around, fly around
Fly around

I don't fly around your fire anymore
I don't fly around your fire anymore
Burnin', fallin' down so many times before
I won't fly around, fly around

I won't fly around your fire anymore
I don't fly around your fire anymore
Burnin', fallin' down so many times before
I don't fly around, fly around
Oh
Fly around, oh

Ugly?

I Like:

Bon Ton - El Disco by Skechers

Erika will prob'ly have a palsied fit about this, but I like these for some odd reason.

Hump Day, Fools!

One of my coworkers has this...walk...like Princess Ardala from Buck Rogers. (Did I get in the Wayback Machine or WHAT for that shit?!? I'm fucking amazing. Anyway...)

---

I'm 'bout to help out Gay Bob and his "friend" Bill with this one: Get the government to make short term, temporary marriage contracts an option for EVERYBODY with 2, 5 & 10 year stints as options.
I can see some chick's face CRACKED right now. Got white dresses and a storybook wedding on her mind and her dude asks her for a 2-year contract. "So what are you saying?" That's like "Rent-to-own". LMAO.
No killing her and killing himself when his calendar has a big red 'X' on it where he'll get his freedom papers, y'know?
Of course, Pat Robertson's walking corpse is gonna roll over in his grave about something like this.

---

Every time I comb my hair
Thoughts of you get in my eyes
You're a sinner I don't care
I just want your creamy thighs

---

Once, I got head and she had some nicotine gum in her mouth. I ain't know that. My shit was NUMB. Ugh...that's like your foot falling asleep while you're walking.
TMI? KMA!

---

These fools are recklessly cutting left across traffic to make a left. If I tried that, there'd be a good chance that my shit would get T-boned...just based on my erratic luck. But, I'm thinking: Ain't you just goin' back to work? You love your job enough to dart across traffic to get there? Shit, maybe I need a new career.

---

The State of Georgia and its municipalities are one big manmade bureaucratic organism designed to suck money from the citizens within. Ugh!

---

PS3 is only gonna add to my diurnal narcolepsy.Time for an MD.

PAWG

Sistas get pissed with PAWG appreciation...but, I don't know why. I think it's an extension of women's natural enmity toward any woman who "thinks she's cute". That's hilarious. Because every sexually active woman has had what she thinks of as her 'hoe phase'...even if that's only within the confines of her own skull. But, now? LoL...the sisterhood only extends so far.

Anyway...whoo hoo! Lookatdatayuss!!!

Just a Phase I’m Going Through…

I feel detached, right now…as if I'm out of phase with the rest of the world. It's a curious feeling.

Headline Comparison

MSNBC:    Federal Reserve posts record-breaking profit
CNN:    Opinion: D.C. is new financial capital
FoxNews:    Obama May Tax Rescued Banks to Recoup Bailout
NPR:    Federal Prisoners Kept Beyond Their Sentences
BET:    NOLA Councilwoman Denies 'N'-Word E-mail
BlackPlanet:    Is Ray J dating Young Buck?
I couldn't even get the link cuz BP is blocked by corporate firewall based on the amount of fuckery normally present on there.
Draw your own conclusions. But, for real? Black folks need to demand and expect better of themselves; in addition to making other folks act like they have some sense when they deal with us.


I think that we've probably seen the best parts of The Book of Eli in the trailer and that we'll come out of the theater like, "WTF?!?"
Avatar was just Dances with Wolves in Space.


I met an Indian chick (feather, not red dot) online last night. Her lips were totally hawt.


I'm coming into Phase.
Say hi to Phase. She's…saucy!
That amused me. I like the phrase 'saucy wench'!


Why did somebody leave a You Can Be the Wife of a Happy Husband on my desk? I've already explained how to do that in some very simple steps:

1. Stop talking
   
2. Take off (most of) your clothes
   
3. Bring beer/snacks
   
4. See #1
   

One thing that women don't seem to realize: You can be right…or you can be loved.
Another thing that women don't seem to realize: There ain't enough men to go around. Somebody's gonna hafta share.


Gawd, I'm sleepy.


I just had the Best. Lunch. Ever.
No, it wasn't a nooner. Freak.



…and so now?

Oooh!!! Did you see this?!?

Shooz...A Formatting Experiment

Calvin Klein Karla

Promiscuous Ione

Biviel BV2239

I'm bored silly. I've been textin' Laura and telling her about the secret habits of her coworkers while she's in a meeting. I told her that the li'l ol' lady has on matching, crotchless underwear and her email address is piercedkitty@hotmail.com

LMAO!

Sony's pushing for 3-D Television. Nickelodeon can't WAIT!

I'm trying to get back into the groove and post more. Feels like I'm pushing, though.

They closed the schools in Atlanta. The snow isn't even sticking. They cancellin' flights and e'erythang. *smh* Powderpuff-assed state!

I saw a hentai (porno cartoon) that describes my situation. If I could work out an ending like the cartoon, though....

Wait! I'm supposed to be behaving, aren't I?

Phooey!

An hour to go...

Boredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredboredbored

2010…and Still No Flying Cars

We've been back to work for two (count 'em: 2) days. How you go'n call in sick today when you already don't have any time? I love her to death. But, um, this ain't what you might call an "employee-friendly" economy. Betta step lively and watch the closing doors!


Ex-wives are the curse of the universe on men dumb enough to get married. Ugh!


Do you ever look at a dumb assed individual and incredulously realize that THIS slow fucker was his dad's fastest sperm that day? You jus' have to quietly hope that that nigga started eatin' some fruit or somethin' to improve the quality of his subsequent busts.


Cage and Eminem have individually spit some of the most venomous bars ever heard on mics. They've said some ol' uncomfortable shit in their quest to rise to the top of the rap game in their respective genres. Both of them are on some ol' whiny-assed EMO shit right now. It's tragically comical. Everybody ain't built to be a thug. That lifestyle will tear you up and scatter the pieces.


Me & Laura talked about each other for about two hours today. She's gonna get me fired (again) for laughin'.


You gotta check out Crunk & Disorderly and In Hood Terms. NEITHER Fresh nor Sane got good sense.


This Dating Game is on my mind on my mind on my mind. That whole cocoon thing? Hm. It's lookin' better and better. Doin' what you're supposed to can (and quite often does) leave you assed out. Playin' the game better than them others leaves a wake of pissed off folks in your wake. So, what ta do…what ta do.

Plus, I'm gunshy. How do I know that this woman who's all that & a bag a chips won't decide later that she can't stand me? Answer: I can't know that. You picks up ya cards. You plays the hand yer dealt.

Sista said I was 'Shallow Hal' cuz I said I answered her question with the response that I won't date a 450lb. chick who isn't cute? If that's how it gotta be, then so be it. Like the sayings go: Life's too short to date ugly chicks…and…I ain't go'n bump no mo' wit' no big fat woman.
I guess.

Not for R&B fans...

The hour of reckoning draws near
Judgment day is here and gone
Sweetly she tucks me into her arms
A liquid embrace to chase the day away
Sedate numb, deaf and dumb
Stumbling into solitude
A clouded judgment day is fueled
Take me under your black wings
Mark my words and remember me
So sweetly she sucks away at my time
So sweetly she draws me nigh
Closer and closer towards never ending sleep
Spin the bottle
Kiss only the bottle
The dark mistress of many, beholden to none
Slips a ring of needles around your arm in an engagement
Eternal engagement
Never consummated
Never consummated
Take me under your black wings
Mark my words and remember me
Destroyer of senses
So take as needed for the pain
Another gray morning dawns across an ashen sky
My sweet demoness beckons me
Ever again and again and again and again
The dark mistress of many, beholden to none
My sweet demoness beckons me
Ever again and again and again and again and again
Take me under your black wings
Jacked up on the taste of self-destruction

This will run the chu'ch guhlz right on off, I'm sure. But, if you're willing to try something a little different, close your eyes and imagine the battle in heaven playing out to this music:

And there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him. (Revelations 12:7-9)

If you did stick around, did you figure out what he was talking about in this song?

Hip Hop Punkishness

We had this huge discussion on the current state of Hip Hop following Kanye West's latest self-fellationary display on the Video Music Awards. I made the following points:

• Kanye's 15 minutes of fame were up two years ago. His relevancy to Hip Hop, as a rapper, is on the same level as Hammer's. As a producer, his eccentricity has a different, less masturbatory outlet. Kanye is a much better producer than he is a rapper. He needs to stick to what he's best at and stop 'practicing' as a rapper.
  
• Kanye's displayed personality has always been 'punkish'. Last night was true to form. Let me be great? How 'bout you just go away?
  
• Per one of the brothas in the chat room: People need to realize that tight-assed pants, a weird personality, and a f**ked-up haircut does NOT make a dude a trendsetter. 100% agreement on that from me.
  

Another brotha (Self da Gawd) asserted that Eminem is the best rapper alive.

Mmmmmmno!

He used to be. But, now? I'm not seeing it.

I've seen the assertion that Hip Hop is based on beef with references to Jay Z & Nas, LL Cool J & his various foes (sounds like Silver Surfer or the Hulk, doesn't it?), UTFO vs Roxanne Shante, Quik & MC Eiht and others. To a degree, that's true. But, the spirit of the beef was competitive…not bitchy. Eminem (and, by extension, 50 Cent) are gynecological in their feuds.

Consider Eminem's beefs: Christina Aguilera? Brittany Spears? Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon?

Bitch made…

Fiddy goes and gets a man's ex to dish dirt on him? The mansion belonging to his baby mama (which his child lives in) is rendered uninhabitable by a mysterious arson?

A man obviously in need of tampons, monthly.

None of those things are the actions of men secure in themselves and their own masculinity. Either that or those dude's self-identification is awash in progesterone & estrogen. Honestly, if my sons acted like Kanye, Eminem or Fiddy (regardless of how much money they were making), I'd be ashamed of them. Being a man means that, sometimes, you ignore foolishness. Public displays of pique and bitchiness are not the traits of a real man.

Curiously, all three of these dudes were raised by a woman. It would seem that their fathers FAILED to impart crucial knowledge on what being a man really entails.

Do You Have ‘The Love’?

My back is KILLING me! I just have to push through it until it gets better. But, something like this will make you appreciate something that you usually don't give a second thought: Mobility. It's weird: I can do crunches, pushups and military sit ups without the slightest amount of pain. But, sitting for an extended period of time? Not happening…

Good thing I know how to slouch. There's an art to the boneless slouch.

My change in state combined with my afflicted back has slimmed me out a bit. I mean, I see me and think, "Could be (much) better…but, not bad!" Then, I go around 'normal' sized people and it feels like they're all little. I need to go hang with the fam. My shoulders were SO much bigger than everyone else's before…but, time has passed. Some of the boys are now men. But, 6'4" is only fair-to-middlin' in my clan.

*snork* A guy in the lobby JUST asked me, "Where'd YOU play ball?" I have on jeans and a tee, today. So, the walking must be doing some toning.

---

Do you ever stretch and then 'blue out'? That's happened to me since I was 13½. After I hit my growth spurt, whenever I stood up and stretched, everything would look blue and eventually fade, even though my eyes were open. My ears would ring. (Blackout & tinnitus…) Then, I'd pass out in the middle of the floor.

There was this girl that we thought was just SO fine when we were teenagers. Her name was Tasha. We all discussed this girl like she was the Daily News. Once, we were all at a wedding reception, I told my friends (never expecting it to happen), "Man, if the DJ plays Sunshine, I'd even ask Tasha to dance." It was as if that was his cue. Alexander O'Neal's "Sunshine" tweeted & woofed out over the speakers. My friends all turned and looked at me. Seven pair of eyes…and my pride wouldn't let me back out of this one.

I went over and asked Tasha to dance. She said yes. Their jaws all dropped.

Hah!

Anyway, Tasha was riding with her girl Tanya. Tanya came over to our house to 'borrow' me and my sisters. The grocery store near us had a sale on chicken and a limit of five per customer. Tanya was having some kind of party and needed a LOT of chicken. So, my sisters & I would allow her to get fifteen extra chickens. (Ghetto as 'red' Kool-Aid, I know. But, this is why I could SO relate to Roll Bounce.)

My sisters knew I thought Tasha was the finest thing walkin', back then. I was in the den watching TV. They came in wearing sly grins and dropped the bombshell, "Tasha is here."

I stood up and stretched, just as Tasha walked into the den…

…and fell out in the middle of the floor.

Needless to say, my sisters thought the whole situation was hee-lair-ee-us!!! They yukked it up like the sadistic wenches they were. Tasha snickered…but, she helped me up and made sure that I was ok.

*psy*

---

Oh, gawd! 'member that guy? The one who wouldn't shut up and told that long, droning story? He's on his way up here. She should be back soon…or, dammit! He's here!

Good! He took his visitors and left!

---

I need to stop thinking of this guy as "The Little Shit" before I accidentally call him that when I page him.

---

The kids and I coined a new one this week: S/he's so full of shit, s/he's afraid to fart. So descriptively disgusting…

---

I just 'blued out' from a stretch. It actually feels kind of good.

---

I talked to Laura, today. That's my ace boon coon, man! I swear! She's the only person I know that I tell exactly what I feel when I feel it. She still gave me the cyberfanga and called me an 'ass'.

LoLz!!!

---

When I was actively training in ground & pound a few years ago, there was a big, white boy in my class. Dude was strong as a horse and fast as a car…and only 19 years old. He was just out high school. One of our drills was a sprint down the mat. Kid would just accelerate! The older guys in the class (me being one of them) would just look at each other and shake our heads. The guy was a freak of nature and he didn't even know it. During rolls, he'd say, "Man, I don't feel like doing this." But, you could see that he had the raw, natural skills to be whatever he wanted to be.

Guess where he decided that he wanted to be: Duffee seizes first-impression opportunity. Take it all the way, bruh! That's a rough sport. But, when you have the love, it's a lot of FUN!

---

I was still giggling aboout 'gravy beast' in chat. When I mentioned that 'gravy beast' translates into French literally as 'the beast of sauce & juice', this European sista who's fluent in French just hollered. But, she confirmed it. That one stays in the arsenal as an international insult.

It's Violent...I Still Love It

Fight Journal: King Mo vs Mark Kerr - FIGHT NIGHT from All Elbows on Vimeo.

Pinned in One Spot

Authorities are learning more about the identity-theft ring that stole the identities of hundreds of people in Illinois, Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, D.C., including the identity of the wife of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. Court documents show that the ring stole a total of more than $2.1 million from its victims. Authorities say that one of the members of the ring, 38-year-old Shonya Michelle Young of Myrtle Beach, S.C., would use one of three wigs to impersonate her victims to obtain fake IDs and cash illegal checks in order to steal all the money from their bank accounts.

*smh* Lemme guess: That's a black chick?

I keep tellin' y'all to stop giving your kids these ghetto-assed names. I mean, really...Shonya? Rhymes with Tonya?

That's almost as bad as naming your brother's fraternal twin children "Deniece" and "Denephew".

---

Ever wonder how your workplace can be caught up with so much intrigue? You got this going on and that happening...so-and-so got caught doing this... The answer is readily apparent if this isn't your nature. You may not get it if you like reality shows, though.

People are freaking MESSY! Oh, my gawd! They're HORRIBLE With their mess!

Which is worse: messy? or stupid? A person can be messy because they're stupid. But, usually, the only way to be stupid because your messy is when the person you pissed off brains you with something heavy and turns into a drooling moron.

---

Sitting in the dark, I can't forget
Even now, I realise the time I'll never get
Another story of the bitter pills of fate
I can't go back again
I can't go back again…

But you asked me to love you and I did
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit
And when I got away, I only got so far
The other me is dead
I hear his voice inside my head…

We were never alive, and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

You told me to love you and I did
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away, I only kept my scars
The other me Is gone
Now I don't know where I belong…

We were never alive, and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

Dead visions in your name
Dead fingers in my veins
Dead Memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

Women think men don't feel the pain of a relationship's end. *smh*

This is Slipknot. SLIPKNOT!!!

That's METAL…and you can read the pain in those lyrics.

Maybe it's time that we stopped claiming all of the higher emotions to our respective sex and assigning the lower emotions to the opposite sex. Men and women are equally fucked up. How 'bout that?

---

Oh, my gawd! This dude is sitting here telling THE MOST BORING STORY THAT I'VE EVER BEEN FORCED TO OVERHEAR. This guy is The Most Interesting Man in the World's archenemy. I'm trying to not hear him. But, nooooooooooooo! He won't stop droning on about effing ePROMs. If I wasn't so allergic to the smell of prison (ass, testosterone and desperation), I'd strangulate him any minute now just so I don't have to hear him, any more.

Some dumbass just asked under their breath how I know what prison smells like. It's called hyperbole, dimbulb. Look it up.

We're up to twelve "Well, anyways" in this guy's stupid story. 20 minutes of rambling. He's boring the fuck out of a salesman. The irony of THAT shit just made me laugh.

Sixteen…

Seventeen…

I think he's done.

Dere iz uh gawd!!!

Nope…still rambling…

Thirty-five minutes of rambling, now.

I hope this dude never accidentally looks at the sun with those glasses. Those lenses would turn ambient sunlight into a braided laser that would burn through the back of his head like a hot knife through butter.

…of course, he'd be QUIET then.

Maybe I should point at the sky and say, "Hey, look!!!"

The effort of not laughing out loud at that left me dazed for a few seconds.

By the way, he's STILL talking.

Ugh!

---

Hell is: being stuck in line behind a sweaty, fat girl who's explaining to her friend all the stuff she doesn't eat.

---

…still talking.

---

I was reading a scroll of people who were discussing the Babelfish Translator. They were talking about the fact that it doesn't translate some things cleanly from English to other languages. I decided to test some phrases:

English	Spanish	French	German
Boogawolf	lobo del booger	loup de booger	Boogerwolf
Gravy Beast	bestia de la salsa	bête de sauce au jus	Soßetier
Sweater meats	carnes del suéter	viandes de chandail	Strickjackefleisch
Fundament	fundamento	fondement	Fundament
Swagga	fanfarronería	air fanfaron	Prahlerei

Honestly, I almost strained a muscle not laughing out loud at the "bête de sauce au jus". In my mind's eye, I could see a heavy chick cock her head to one side and ask, "Did you jus' call me a 'beast of sauce and juice"?!?" Now, I'm sitting here snickering like Muttley.

---

That dude finally shut up while I was translating.

Sat in that jail, I sat in that jail til I near about done rot to death. I know
what it like to wanna go somewhere and cain't. I know what it like to wanna
sing... and have it beat out 'ya. I want to thank you, Miss Celie, fo everything
you done for me. I 'members that day in the store with Miss Millie - I's feelin'
real down. I's feelin' mighty bad. And when I seed you - I know'd there is a
God. I know'd there is a God.

Bad, Li’l, Ol’ Boys

My coworker was just telling me about her grandson. She was just shaking her head. She said, "He's wide open. He's just so…rough!" I think he's about four or five years old. She said her son his on his butt, though. She said her son thumps his son on the head when he gets out of hand. She said she tells him to stop thumping him like that.

I just laughed. I explained to her that a thump works like a reset button on bad, li'l boys. The impact of a well-placed thump (temporarily) restores order in a chaotic little brain intent on doing something it has NO business doing. It's like a magnet on iron filings. A thump is only a temporary measure, you see. You're still gonna have to whup 'im at some point. Don't feel bad, though. That bad, li'l boy NEEDS that disciplinary thump.

My dad used to thump the CRAP out of me. He would make me sit in the chair in front of him at our…religious services. I'd forget where I was and get to playing with my fingers. They were men, you see. And, they would fight. My middle finger and my ring finger were the legs. My pinky and my index fingers were the arms. I'd be kung fu fighting on my lap with my hands. Way before The Matrix was ever conceived, I was doing bullet time with my hands…re-enacting the fight between Steve Austin and the Seven Million Dollar Man. My right would dodge a kick, get his balance quickly before launching his own kic-

*Thwock*

My dad would thump me on that bone right behind my ear with laser-like precision. Reality would drop back on me like a big, fat girl coming off the top rope. Suddenly, I remember that I was supposed to be turning in my Bible to a scripture. I'd blink back the tears and act like I didn't hear my friends snickering three rows back. I couldn't even rub it because then he'd lean forward and threaten to pound me into a paste-like consistency if I kept on playing.

Five minutes later, my fingers would be re-enacting Obi-Wan and Darth Vader's lightsaber battl-

*Thwock*

The funny part to me is that 15-20 years later, I had a rambunctious son. He'd be intently applying himself to some form of mayhem or mischief, when…

*Thwock*

I applied pressure to the reset button. He'd straighten up.

My dad said, "Uh, son? Don't thump him like that! He's ok!"

8^o

My mother, on the other hand, didn't thump me. She used to pinch me. To this DAY, I hate being pinched. She would get in really closely and talk so that only I could hear her and threaten to tell my father on me. But, what people couldn't see, because my body was blocking their view, was my mom pinching my stomach through the whole sentence. You don't need to look up the word "writhe" once my mother gets hold of you. Trust me on that one. I actually think that I behaved for a longer period of time from the pinch than the thump.

*smh*

Quickie

The Health Care Debate

It sounds like a well-informed discussion of the issues when phrased that way, doesn't it? Actually, it's a polarized rant by groups of people who show a distressing tendency to parrot ideas put forth by the spokesmen of their chosen political party. In the instances where I've looked to see what people who actually have healthcare as a basic right, the "debate" just comes off as narrow-minded, hidebound stupidity. As an example, check out what random, "regular" people have to say about their own experiences with that system. The example comes from, of all places, DarwinAwards.com.

OK! OK!

Maybe, they aren't "regular". People there tend to think atavistic stupidity is amusing in a mocking way. (Hm!) That, in itself, would kind of diametrically oppose them to a lot of the herd taking part in the "healthcare debate".

In Other News…

 

I need caffeine…

BRB

 

Venus — Mars€

I just saw something that reminded me of two antonymic truisms:

• No matter HOW good she looks, some other dude is sick & tired of her bullshit.
  
• It's a lot easier to put up with her bullshit when she's cute.
  

When she's all in your ears tellin' you how YOU fucked up; you're lots more inclined to deal with it when her nicely-rounded qualifications for speaking to you in that manner are protruding into your field of vision and triggering a memory of being noisily squished onto you in the recent past.

Know what else cracks me up? There's logic and there's woman logic. Consider all of the implications of that statement. I want you to be irritated with me for the RIGHT reasons.

Women buy things because they were on sale—didn't need it…but it was on sale. That's woman logic.

'k…pay attention: If you buy it on sale, you save whatever percentage the item was marked down. This is inarguably true. BUT: If you don't buy it AT ALL, you save 100%.

She says: I don't get it.

*snork*

Hump Day

This is a great blog: http://doomsdaylabs.com/

I subscribed. I was looking for pictures of the ineffable Guy Smiley when I found it.

 

'Ineffable' defies description. 'Unfuckwitable' simply defies.

 

In the new pantheon of Hollywood Elder Gods, Shatner simply reigns. Check it out: 77 Reasons Why William Shatner Is Awesome

 

There is a certain cleanness that goes hand-in-hand with honesty, especially savage honesty.

"You need to get the fuck away from me, dawg! I don't like you and I have never liked you!"

*shrug* Wouldn't you know exactly where you stand when you heard that? I've heard that statement uttered more than once to individuals.

 

BORED!!!

How the hell do you make a major change in your life and STILL end up bored? I feel caged.

My son came to see me at work today on his way home from school. That was pretty cool.

I still had to tell him how to greet a woman. His butt responded to introductions with, "What's up?"

*smh*

My kid…MY KID…sounds like a suburban sk8boy. I'm so embarrassed. I can't take him to Detroit like this. On top of that, he wears this li'l-assed Spider-Man backpack. It looks like something a seven-year-old would wear. He thinks it's funny. I told him that he's gonna get beat up wearing that young-assed backpack. He just laughed.

Conversation w/Li'l Bear

"Don't let your friend get you into trouble. Some of the stuff that she likes to do―specifically, some of the boys that she likes to talk to and hang around are just going to get you in trouble. When she starts that, bring your behind on away from her."

"Also, stay away from these li'l dope boys. I'm not saying that you're trying to talk to them. I don't think that you are. But, they are watching you and, sooner or later, one of them is going to try to holla. When that happens, I will say something. You're worth way too much to me for me not to say something. So, to avoid a lot of drama and trouble, just stay away from them, ok?"

She looked as if she hadn't considered what I told her before. She nodded thoughtfully and went outside.

Oink!

Spasm

I went out with some friends of mine, this Saturday. *smh* I was forcibly reminded that liking to dance and being able to dance are not necessarily synchronous notions. The folks dancing to this blues band's music wore these looks of fierce intent...as they appeared to randomly seize and spasmodically shudder to the music. The beat was irrelevant to their mode of expression. They were DANCING, man! Ugh! That shit was awful. I had to close my eyes to enjoy the music.

The other thing that I've noticed quite a bit, lately, is the sense of entitlement that White Folks have. Once they appropriate or assimilate some art form, fuck you for objecting to their adulteration of it. The blues? I mean, really:

• You have two houses.
  
• Your children by your second wife have finished college and you've nearly finished paying on it.
  
• You're driving two vehicles and have three or four recreational vehicles.
  
• Your 401K has taken a slight hit due to this economy, so you might have to put off doing some things at retirement.
  

The fuck you got to be blue about, dawg?

Well, I just like to dance.

Then take some lessons, muhfukkah! You can afford it. Plus, you're offending my sense of rhythm with them fucking convulsions.

Things We Lost In The Flood...

*snork* These muhfukkaz REFUSE to believe that I used to play the alto saxophone. What's funny is that my SON had my same music teacher, Mr. Alsteadt, just before we moved South.

I still can't stand that Billy Joel song "We Didn't Start The Fire".

 

My children maintain their guerilla campaign to kill me. *psy* I tell them to do things and they act like I'm not even talking. Then, they're shocked (Shocked, I tell you...) when I get pissed. They're always surprised when I call them on the BS that they didn't think that I knew they were trying to pull. I flipped the love seat over last night and made them get up all the stuff they pushed under there.

Just do what I tell you when I tell you and I won't have to…punish…you.

 

Before we went to the blues bar, we met up with my friend and her boyfriend. That li'l woman is hilarious to me. She's one of the people that kept me from going off the deep end during my divorce. She made me leave the house to do things like: eat at Waffle House, or go to Savage's pizza or hang with her and her friends.

Saturday, she had us walk into this bar to meet up with her & her friends. After we were standing in there, we were notified: This is a gay bar. I looked around and shrugged. They wondered why I could be so prosaic about that. I told her: I don't care who a man is sleeping with male OR female. Why would I? I like women…and I only like SOME of them. So, whatever…

My date tried to clown me later, tombout, "They looked at me first to see if I was a tranny. After they saw that I was a woman, they were looking at YOU!"

I just said, "*psh* Whatever…I ain't stuntin' them dudes!"

Then, we left at the pace that I set, and went to a nearby restaurant and had some of the best food that I've had yet in Atlanta.

So, all-in-all, I had a pretty good weekend.

Nutbush

Fellas, d'you know a chick who you don't even LIKE, but who you would bang out like a gorilla on a drum? I see that more often, lately. I think to myself, "Ugh! She gets on my nerves!" But, the way her finer qualities fill out her jeans makes me admit, at least privately: I'd wear her dumb ass out like Easter clothes!

*psy*

Before you call me a pig, ladies; know this: 1) I already know that I'm a pig. So, whatever. Embracing one's piggishness is liberating, at times. 2) Just cuz I think it doesn't mean that I'm going to follow through on the thought. There are (probably) millions of women on this planet who can make my groin stir. But, I'm really NOT tryna sleep wit' that many wenches. Some of the cute ones still have cooties and I don't want cooties on my junk.

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It is caffeine that triggers these moments of pelvic introspection. Not Mountain Dew, per se; but, definitely caffeine...and testosterone.

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