I think that I need to start writing again. Internalizing the levels of stress I'm dealing with is not helping. In the end, this is more my little sliver of the internet than any other space that I utilize. So, I shall begin again...here. Maybe, I can achieve a personal breakthrough, or at least some traction. Yes...traction would be nice.
So...what the hell is wrong with me?
Where should I begin? The beginning? Son of two highly intelligent people who had every intent to move to Colombia, S.A. to become Christian missionaries. My mom found out she was pregnant with me the day my Dad quit his job.
Maybe not THAT far back. But, check this out: They're still married. They're still thick as thieves. You think *I* am an ass? I am. I can't even deny that. But, I don't hold a candle to my father. Physically and emotionally, I have a slight edge. Mentally and spiritually? That man is a sun to my candle. My mama loves that man, though. (I do too, if you don't know. But, that's not the point.)
That's the example I have though. In all of my perambulations through this torturous exercise we call "life", my base...the most fundamental part of me...is one where a man marries and builds a life with an equally formidable partner and it is the two of you braced back-to-back wielding the sword of God against all comers.
#FAIL
So, now what?
So, now I reach for my now-classic emotional detachment and deal with the issues that confront me.
I'm too much of this and not enough of that for the women that I've met. I still crave that attention. But, with so many things confronting me right now, maybe I oughta just sit my ass down. Lord knows I don't wanna deal with another rejection on top of the struggles I'm having taking care of my children.
Still, it'd be nice to be wrong.
