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Monday, September 14, 2009

Hip Hop Punkishness

We had this huge discussion on the current state of Hip Hop following Kanye West's latest self-fellationary display on the Video Music Awards. I made the following points:

  • Kanye's 15 minutes of fame were up two years ago. His relevancy to Hip Hop, as a rapper, is on the same level as Hammer's. As a producer, his eccentricity has a different, less masturbatory outlet. Kanye is a much better producer than he is a rapper. He needs to stick to what he's best at and stop 'practicing' as a rapper.
  • Kanye's displayed personality has always been 'punkish'. Last night was true to form. Let me be great? How 'bout you just go away?
  • Per one of the brothas in the chat room: People need to realize that tight-assed pants, a weird personality, and a f**ked-up haircut does NOT make a dude a trendsetter. 100% agreement on that from me.

Another brotha (Self da Gawd) asserted that Eminem is the best rapper alive.

Mmmmmmno!

He used to be. But, now? I'm not seeing it.

I've seen the assertion that Hip Hop is based on beef with references to Jay Z & Nas, LL Cool J & his various foes (sounds like Silver Surfer or the Hulk, doesn't it?), UTFO vs Roxanne Shante, Quik & MC Eiht and others. To a degree, that's true. But, the spirit of the beef was competitive…not bitchy. Eminem (and, by extension, 50 Cent) are gynecological in their feuds.

Consider Eminem's beefs: Christina Aguilera? Brittany Spears? Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon?

Bitch made…

Fiddy goes and gets a man's ex to dish dirt on him? The mansion belonging to his baby mama (which his child lives in) is rendered uninhabitable by a mysterious arson?

A man obviously in need of tampons, monthly.

None of those things are the actions of men secure in themselves and their own masculinity. Either that or those dude's self-identification is awash in progesterone & estrogen. Honestly, if my sons acted like Kanye, Eminem or Fiddy (regardless of how much money they were making), I'd be ashamed of them. Being a man means that, sometimes, you ignore foolishness. Public displays of pique and bitchiness are not the traits of a real man.

Curiously, all three of these dudes were raised by a woman. It would seem that their fathers FAILED to impart crucial knowledge on what being a man really entails.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Do You Have ‘The Love’?

My back is KILLING me! I just have to push through it until it gets better. But, something like this will make you appreciate something that you usually don't give a second thought: Mobility. It's weird: I can do crunches, pushups and military sit ups without the slightest amount of pain. But, sitting for an extended period of time? Not happening…

Good thing I know how to slouch. There's an art to the boneless slouch.

My change in state combined with my afflicted back has slimmed me out a bit. I mean, I see me and think, "Could be (much) better…but, not bad!" Then, I go around 'normal' sized people and it feels like they're all little. I need to go hang with the fam. My shoulders were SO much bigger than everyone else's before…but, time has passed. Some of the boys are now men. But, 6'4" is only fair-to-middlin' in my clan.

*snork* A guy in the lobby JUST asked me, "Where'd YOU play ball?" I have on jeans and a tee, today. So, the walking must be doing some toning.


Do you ever stretch and then 'blue out'? That's happened to me since I was 13½. After I hit my growth spurt, whenever I stood up and stretched, everything would look blue and eventually fade, even though my eyes were open. My ears would ring. (Blackout & tinnitus…) Then, I'd pass out in the middle of the floor.

There was this girl that we thought was just SO fine when we were teenagers. Her name was Tasha. We all discussed this girl like she was the Daily News. Once, we were all at a wedding reception, I told my friends (never expecting it to happen), "Man, if the DJ plays Sunshine, I'd even ask Tasha to dance." It was as if that was his cue. Alexander O'Neal's "Sunshine" tweeted & woofed out over the speakers. My friends all turned and looked at me. Seven pair of eyes…and my pride wouldn't let me back out of this one.

I went over and asked Tasha to dance. She said yes. Their jaws all dropped.

Hah!

Anyway, Tasha was riding with her girl Tanya. Tanya came over to our house to 'borrow' me and my sisters. The grocery store near us had a sale on chicken and a limit of five per customer. Tanya was having some kind of party and needed a LOT of chicken. So, my sisters & I would allow her to get fifteen extra chickens. (Ghetto as 'red' Kool-Aid, I know. But, this is why I could SO relate to Roll Bounce.)

My sisters knew I thought Tasha was the finest thing walkin', back then. I was in the den watching TV. They came in wearing sly grins and dropped the bombshell, "Tasha is here."

I stood up and stretched, just as Tasha walked into the den…

…and fell out in the middle of the floor.

Needless to say, my sisters thought the whole situation was hee-lair-ee-us!!! They yukked it up like the sadistic wenches they were. Tasha snickered…but, she helped me up and made sure that I was ok.

*psy*


Oh, gawd! 'member that guy? The one who wouldn't shut up and told that long, droning story? He's on his way up here. She should be back soon…or, dammit! He's here!

Good! He took his visitors and left!


I need to stop thinking of this guy as "The Little Shit" before I accidentally call him that when I page him.


The kids and I coined a new one this week: S/he's so full of shit, s/he's afraid to fart. So descriptively disgusting…


I just 'blued out' from a stretch. It actually feels kind of good.


I talked to Laura, today. That's my ace boon coon, man! I swear! She's the only person I know that I tell exactly what I feel when I feel it. She still gave me the cyberfanga and called me an 'ass'.

LoLz!!!


When I was actively training in ground & pound a few years ago, there was a big, white boy in my class. Dude was strong as a horse and fast as a car…and only 19 years old. He was just out high school. One of our drills was a sprint down the mat. Kid would just accelerate! The older guys in the class (me being one of them) would just look at each other and shake our heads. The guy was a freak of nature and he didn't even know it. During rolls, he'd say, "Man, I don't feel like doing this." But, you could see that he had the raw, natural skills to be whatever he wanted to be.

Guess where he decided that he wanted to be: Duffee seizes first-impression opportunity. Take it all the way, bruh! That's a rough sport. But, when you have the love, it's a lot of FUN!


I was still giggling aboout 'gravy beast' in chat. When I mentioned that 'gravy beast' translates into French literally as 'the beast of sauce & juice', this European sista who's fluent in French just hollered. But, she confirmed it. That one stays in the arsenal as an international insult.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Pinned in One Spot

Authorities are learning more about the identity-theft ring that stole the identities of hundreds of people in Illinois, Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, D.C., including the identity of the wife of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. Court documents show that the ring stole a total of more than $2.1 million from its victims. Authorities say that one of the members of the ring, 38-year-old Shonya Michelle Young of Myrtle Beach, S.C., would use one of three wigs to impersonate her victims to obtain fake IDs and cash illegal checks in order to steal all the money from their bank accounts.


*smh* Lemme guess: That's a black chick?


I keep tellin' y'all to stop giving your kids these ghetto-assed names. I mean, really...Shonya? Rhymes with Tonya?


That's almost as bad as naming your brother's fraternal twin children "Deniece" and "Denephew".





Ever wonder how your workplace can be caught up with so much intrigue? You got this going on and that happening...so-and-so got caught doing this... The answer is readily apparent if this isn't your nature. You may not get it if you like reality shows, though.


People are freaking MESSY! Oh, my gawd! They're HORRIBLE With their mess!


Which is worse: messy? or stupid? A person can be messy because they're stupid. But, usually, the only way to be stupid because your messy is when the person you pissed off brains you with something heavy and turns into a drooling moron.





Sitting in the dark, I can't forget
Even now, I realise the time I'll never get
Another story of the bitter pills of fate
I can't go back again
I can't go back again…


But you asked me to love you and I did
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit
And when I got away, I only got so far
The other me is dead
I hear his voice inside my head…


We were never alive, and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart


You told me to love you and I did
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away, I only kept my scars
The other me Is gone
Now I don't know where I belong…


We were never alive, and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart


Dead visions in your name
Dead fingers in my veins
Dead Memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart


Women think men don't feel the pain of a relationship's end. *smh*


This is Slipknot. SLIPKNOT!!!




That's METAL…and you can read the pain in those lyrics.


Maybe it's time that we stopped claiming all of the higher emotions to our respective sex and assigning the lower emotions to the opposite sex. Men and women are equally fucked up. How 'bout that?




Oh, my gawd! This dude is sitting here telling THE MOST BORING STORY THAT I'VE EVER BEEN FORCED TO OVERHEAR. This guy is The Most Interesting Man in the World's archenemy. I'm trying to not hear him. But, nooooooooooooo! He won't stop droning on about effing ePROMs. If I wasn't so allergic to the smell of prison (ass, testosterone and desperation), I'd strangulate him any minute now just so I don't have to hear him, any more.


Some dumbass just asked under their breath how I know what prison smells like. It's called hyperbole, dimbulb. Look it up.


We're up to twelve "Well, anyways" in this guy's stupid story. 20 minutes of rambling. He's boring the fuck out of a salesman. The irony of THAT shit just made me laugh.


Sixteen…


Seventeen…


I think he's done.


Dere iz uh gawd!!!


Nope…still rambling…


Thirty-five minutes of rambling, now.


I hope this dude never accidentally looks at the sun with those glasses. Those lenses would turn ambient sunlight into a braided laser that would burn through the back of his head like a hot knife through butter.


…of course, he'd be QUIET then.


Maybe I should point at the sky and say, "Hey, look!!!"


The effort of not laughing out loud at that left me dazed for a few seconds.


By the way, he's STILL talking.


Ugh!




Hell is: being stuck in line behind a sweaty, fat girl who's explaining to her friend all the stuff she doesn't eat.




…still talking.




I was reading a scroll of people who were discussing the Babelfish Translator. They were talking about the fact that it doesn't translate some things cleanly from English to other languages. I decided to test some phrases:






EnglishSpanishFrenchGerman
Boogawolflobo del boogerloup de boogerBoogerwolf
Gravy Beastbestia de la salsabête de sauce au jusSoßetier
Sweater meatscarnes del suéterviandes de chandailStrickjackefleisch
FundamentfundamentofondementFundament
Swaggafanfarroneríaair fanfaronPrahlerei

Honestly, I almost strained a muscle not laughing out loud at the "bête de sauce au jus". In my mind's eye, I could see a heavy chick cock her head to one side and ask, "Did you jus' call me a 'beast of sauce and juice"?!?" Now, I'm sitting here snickering like Muttley.


That dude finally shut up while I was translating.

Sat in that jail, I sat in that jail til I near about done rot to death. I know
what it like to wanna go somewhere and cain't. I know what it like to wanna
sing... and have it beat out 'ya. I want to thank you, Miss Celie, fo everything
you done for me. I 'members that day in the store with Miss Millie - I's feelin'
real down. I's feelin' mighty bad. And when I seed you - I know'd there is a
God. I know'd there is a God.