Ugh! A Perspective on Current American Culture

Restating a rule that should be obvious: It doesn't matter WHO you actually sleep with and the gas situation is irrelevant; if you're a grown-assed man and you own & ride a fucking scooter (in traffic, no less), then you're FUCKING GAY!!! You might as well suck a dick and confirm it. 

Nigga, where's yo' 'stache?!? 

If you shave your head, then grow some facial hair. People need some relief from your unrelenting skull. Plus, that'll keep your head from looking like an oversized penis.

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Chick says she's a "political junkie" and she instantly gets crossed off The List.

MSNBC was unrelentingly White until it came time to discuss the Health Care Law. Then, when it came time to show who's responsible for the law, they trotted out some Congressional jigs, who obligingly made mention of the Civil Rights marches that they took part in with Mart'n Loofa Kang!

This system is so fucking disingenuous! I see why The Bible uses "the sea" when it metaphorically discusses people.

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Whose stupid idea was it that news- and sportscasters stand up in front of the camera? WTF, man? Are we supposed to notice that they have legs and then think that network is groundbreaking?

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2010s Newest Zoological Discovery: If you piss off a fucking WHALE, it just might kill you. Whales eat fucking sharks. Now, Sea World is treating the WHALE like it's crazy. LMAO@that! That fucker just got tired of White girls doing flips off of the tip of his nose. He was in the tank like, "Next one of these bitches that fucks with me is gettin' bit! Watch!" The other whales were like, "You ain't gon' do SHIT!"

I guess he showed them.

When are white folks gonna realize that they're made out of meat and stop playing with superpredators? Here's a general rule for you: ANY time you enter water deeper than your knees, you become part of the food chain. Some antelopes die of old age. That don't make 'em bad asses. That just means that they were faster than the fucker behind 'em. Leave them big assed animals the fuck alone, people.

Black folks die of hypertension, shootings and police beatings. White folks are dying of whale attack and stingray spearings. Roy Horne got fucked up by a tiger.

Michael Vick shoulda claimed self-defense. It's a fucking zoological conspiracy & shit.

LoL@that

...and, ladies, if you REALLY want a man (or, maybe it's: if you want a real man), stop buyin' them li'l assed dogs. They annoy men who don't drink testosterone.

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Somebody please tell me what the fuck is wrong with Gary Busey, DMX, and Gary Coleman.

DMX looked like a shoo-in to win this Battle of the Has Been Urban Artists. He called his dogs ("Where my...dogs..at!!!") and the pack attacked. But, Flava Flav was on the hype tip. He had a hype drink and took a big sip. He stopped time with his big assed clock necklace. Then, he had Red Sonja squirt saline from one of her rebuilt titties into DMX's eye and then decapitate him with her sword. Surprising win for the lower seeded rapper in the March Madness. Tevin Campbell fights Cisco in the next battle.

Todd Bridges decides 30 years after the fact to tell everybody that a dude fucked him in the ass. 

That's why he resorted to robbin' muhfukkaz. He needed a new rubber ring for his chair.

*shrug* Ionno! Maybe it's just me. I mean: I got kicked out of high school for throwing a desk at a dude who shot me in the face with a rubberband. I'm relatively sure that I would have KILLED somebody, if he'd fucked me in my ass.

And, since we're on the subject of anal rape, what do you think is gonna happen to the dude that let the King of Pop croak out when he gets to the big house? They're gonna use that fool as a pelvic trampoline. Do you think he knows that yet?

I don't need gaydar. It doesn't matter WHO a dude sleeps with, it'll never be ME. So, his orientation is irrelevant.

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America's last Vice President SHOT SOMEBODY IN THE GOTTDAMMED FACE! Americans are s'posed to be mad at this one because he said "fuck"? Really?

The right wing's spin doctors KEEP foot-to-Democrat-ass. You gotta give 'em that.

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I'm SICK of people! Can you tell? UGH!!!

Hump Day, Fools!

One of my coworkers has this...walk...like Princess Ardala from Buck Rogers. (Did I get in the Wayback Machine or WHAT for that shit?!? I'm fucking amazing. Anyway...)

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I'm 'bout to help out Gay Bob and his "friend" Bill with this one: Get the government to make short term, temporary marriage contracts an option for EVERYBODY with 2, 5 & 10 year stints as options.
I can see some chick's face CRACKED right now. Got white dresses and a storybook wedding on her mind and her dude asks her for a 2-year contract. "So what are you saying?" That's like "Rent-to-own". LMAO.
No killing her and killing himself when his calendar has a big red 'X' on it where he'll get his freedom papers, y'know?
Of course, Pat Robertson's walking corpse is gonna roll over in his grave about something like this.

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Every time I comb my hair
Thoughts of you get in my eyes
You're a sinner I don't care
I just want your creamy thighs

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Once, I got head and she had some nicotine gum in her mouth. I ain't know that. My shit was NUMB. Ugh...that's like your foot falling asleep while you're walking.
TMI? KMA!

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These fools are recklessly cutting left across traffic to make a left. If I tried that, there'd be a good chance that my shit would get T-boned...just based on my erratic luck. But, I'm thinking: Ain't you just goin' back to work? You love your job enough to dart across traffic to get there? Shit, maybe I need a new career.

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The State of Georgia and its municipalities are one big manmade bureaucratic organism designed to suck money from the citizens within. Ugh!

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PS3 is only gonna add to my diurnal narcolepsy.Time for an MD.

Pinned in One Spot

Authorities are learning more about the identity-theft ring that stole the identities of hundreds of people in Illinois, Maryland, Virginia, and Washington, D.C., including the identity of the wife of Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke. Court documents show that the ring stole a total of more than $2.1 million from its victims. Authorities say that one of the members of the ring, 38-year-old Shonya Michelle Young of Myrtle Beach, S.C., would use one of three wigs to impersonate her victims to obtain fake IDs and cash illegal checks in order to steal all the money from their bank accounts.

*smh* Lemme guess: That's a black chick?

I keep tellin' y'all to stop giving your kids these ghetto-assed names. I mean, really...Shonya? Rhymes with Tonya?

That's almost as bad as naming your brother's fraternal twin children "Deniece" and "Denephew".

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Ever wonder how your workplace can be caught up with so much intrigue? You got this going on and that happening...so-and-so got caught doing this... The answer is readily apparent if this isn't your nature. You may not get it if you like reality shows, though.

People are freaking MESSY! Oh, my gawd! They're HORRIBLE With their mess!

Which is worse: messy? or stupid? A person can be messy because they're stupid. But, usually, the only way to be stupid because your messy is when the person you pissed off brains you with something heavy and turns into a drooling moron.

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Sitting in the dark, I can't forget
Even now, I realise the time I'll never get
Another story of the bitter pills of fate
I can't go back again
I can't go back again…

But you asked me to love you and I did
Traded my emotions for a contract to commit
And when I got away, I only got so far
The other me is dead
I hear his voice inside my head…

We were never alive, and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

You told me to love you and I did
Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit
So when I got away, I only kept my scars
The other me Is gone
Now I don't know where I belong…

We were never alive, and we won't be born again
But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

Dead visions in your name
Dead fingers in my veins
Dead Memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart
Dead memories in my heart

Women think men don't feel the pain of a relationship's end. *smh*

This is Slipknot. SLIPKNOT!!!

That's METAL…and you can read the pain in those lyrics.

Maybe it's time that we stopped claiming all of the higher emotions to our respective sex and assigning the lower emotions to the opposite sex. Men and women are equally fucked up. How 'bout that?

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Oh, my gawd! This dude is sitting here telling THE MOST BORING STORY THAT I'VE EVER BEEN FORCED TO OVERHEAR. This guy is The Most Interesting Man in the World's archenemy. I'm trying to not hear him. But, nooooooooooooo! He won't stop droning on about effing ePROMs. If I wasn't so allergic to the smell of prison (ass, testosterone and desperation), I'd strangulate him any minute now just so I don't have to hear him, any more.

Some dumbass just asked under their breath how I know what prison smells like. It's called hyperbole, dimbulb. Look it up.

We're up to twelve "Well, anyways" in this guy's stupid story. 20 minutes of rambling. He's boring the fuck out of a salesman. The irony of THAT shit just made me laugh.

Sixteen…

Seventeen…

I think he's done.

Dere iz uh gawd!!!

Nope…still rambling…

Thirty-five minutes of rambling, now.

I hope this dude never accidentally looks at the sun with those glasses. Those lenses would turn ambient sunlight into a braided laser that would burn through the back of his head like a hot knife through butter.

…of course, he'd be QUIET then.

Maybe I should point at the sky and say, "Hey, look!!!"

The effort of not laughing out loud at that left me dazed for a few seconds.

By the way, he's STILL talking.

Ugh!

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Hell is: being stuck in line behind a sweaty, fat girl who's explaining to her friend all the stuff she doesn't eat.

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…still talking.

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I was reading a scroll of people who were discussing the Babelfish Translator. They were talking about the fact that it doesn't translate some things cleanly from English to other languages. I decided to test some phrases:

English	Spanish	French	German
Boogawolf	lobo del booger	loup de booger	Boogerwolf
Gravy Beast	bestia de la salsa	bête de sauce au jus	Soßetier
Sweater meats	carnes del suéter	viandes de chandail	Strickjackefleisch
Fundament	fundamento	fondement	Fundament
Swagga	fanfarronería	air fanfaron	Prahlerei

Honestly, I almost strained a muscle not laughing out loud at the "bête de sauce au jus". In my mind's eye, I could see a heavy chick cock her head to one side and ask, "Did you jus' call me a 'beast of sauce and juice"?!?" Now, I'm sitting here snickering like Muttley.

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That dude finally shut up while I was translating.

Sat in that jail, I sat in that jail til I near about done rot to death. I know
what it like to wanna go somewhere and cain't. I know what it like to wanna
sing... and have it beat out 'ya. I want to thank you, Miss Celie, fo everything
you done for me. I 'members that day in the store with Miss Millie - I's feelin'
real down. I's feelin' mighty bad. And when I seed you - I know'd there is a
God. I know'd there is a God.

Hump Day

This is a great blog: http://doomsdaylabs.com/

I subscribed. I was looking for pictures of the ineffable Guy Smiley when I found it.

 

'Ineffable' defies description. 'Unfuckwitable' simply defies.

 

In the new pantheon of Hollywood Elder Gods, Shatner simply reigns. Check it out: 77 Reasons Why William Shatner Is Awesome

 

There is a certain cleanness that goes hand-in-hand with honesty, especially savage honesty.

"You need to get the fuck away from me, dawg! I don't like you and I have never liked you!"

*shrug* Wouldn't you know exactly where you stand when you heard that? I've heard that statement uttered more than once to individuals.

 

BORED!!!

How the hell do you make a major change in your life and STILL end up bored? I feel caged.

My son came to see me at work today on his way home from school. That was pretty cool.

I still had to tell him how to greet a woman. His butt responded to introductions with, "What's up?"

*smh*

My kid…MY KID…sounds like a suburban sk8boy. I'm so embarrassed. I can't take him to Detroit like this. On top of that, he wears this li'l-assed Spider-Man backpack. It looks like something a seven-year-old would wear. He thinks it's funny. I told him that he's gonna get beat up wearing that young-assed backpack. He just laughed.

Conversation w/Li'l Bear

"Don't let your friend get you into trouble. Some of the stuff that she likes to do―specifically, some of the boys that she likes to talk to and hang around are just going to get you in trouble. When she starts that, bring your behind on away from her."

"Also, stay away from these li'l dope boys. I'm not saying that you're trying to talk to them. I don't think that you are. But, they are watching you and, sooner or later, one of them is going to try to holla. When that happens, I will say something. You're worth way too much to me for me not to say something. So, to avoid a lot of drama and trouble, just stay away from them, ok?"

She looked as if she hadn't considered what I told her before. She nodded thoughtfully and went outside.

izAtIOn

Random "izAtIOn"...get it?

Anyway...

NEW BUMPER STICKER: We need animals....can't make good sandwiches without them.

*snork* Animal rights activists...what a waste of DNA. Why the hell would you let somebody who kisses a dog in the mouth speak for you? Dogs lick their own asses. According to psy's Laws of Transference, that would then make the owner who kisses their dog 'full of shit'. *smh* Animal rights activists have a lot in common with one animal, that's for sure...if the animal is a lemming. Shut up, already! Sheesh!

Look up: ROCKY MOUNT, N.C

Nine women slaughtered with no national attention and fools are taking their dogs to a stadium they're not even allowed INTO to protest the death of dogs that would EAT their mutt. LMAO. People are stupid. PETA sympathizers are even dumber.

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Y'know, when I realize that my interest in a woman is groin-inspired with the depth rivaling a small, sidewalk puddle; then, I leave her alone. I school my visage into a mien of indifference.

*shrug* Most women are USED to being objects of sexual fixation. It gives her a form of power to even let on that you find her attractive...especially when she's indifferent, at best, to your existence. So, why put myself behind THAT eight ball?

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My son discussed the irony of his school holding a charity basketball game to benefit the fight against Juvenile Obesity. Not only are they NOT gonna make the fat kids play in it; they're gonna sell snacks at the game. Talk about wasted effort.

We also discussed "sweater meats" aka Big Particulars. The entire conversation was hilariously wrong.

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There's a dude here today who looks JUST like Mario from Mario Bros. I was like a li'l kid when I first saw him. I said, "Mario!!!" Then, I caught myself.

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She's slightly irritated that my neighbors think that I'm a 'nice guy'. *smirk* Why is that so bad?

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If I ever get/got to walk from a locker room to fight. My song would probably be Day of the Dog by Throwdown. That song is about as subtle as a brogan to the bicuspid. *evil grin*

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So, waitaminnit...just how difficult is it to tell that you're a woman (or not)?

Disgruntled?

OK...here's a tip for you writers, fiction and non-fiction, regarding Detroit, Michigan. Caucasians do NOT claim the City of Detroit...unless they're Eminem. If they live four FEET outside of the Detroit city limits; when someone asks where they're from, they answer, "Michigan." Detroit, Michigan is more segregated than Atlanta, Georgia. Ask around, if you don't believe me.

I just read part of a book where the writer made this mistake. Don't get me wrong: There are white folks who live inside the city limits. But, Black, White or whatever: Detroiters are hard. This character isn't.

But, yeah...whatever!

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Ideals vs. reality
Wanna disillusion yourself (some more)? Look at the precepts of equality, justice and, hell, existence put forth in this nation's founding documents. Then, watch the news and see yet another group of armed, white hooligans embrace each other as a jury finds their contempt for the life of a black man an acceptable exchange for perceived safety.

Lady Justice is no longer a whore for hire to the most influential. She's now a slut who'll take it from behind from anybody in a uniform...like Halle in Monster's Ball.

But, y'know, being born to a life of assumed privilege and preferential treatment will undoubtedly give a person another perspective. For examples, click here: Police brutality caught on camera.

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If I ever get married again, it'll be after the kids are grown & gone. There are so very few absolutes in this world. So, that proclamation may need to be retracted. But, I'm not really seeing why it should be at the moment.

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My daughter has me back into Metal & Hard Rock for the nonce. It amuses me that people, for the life of them, cannot understand my enjoyment of this form of music...even people who like it themselves. But, I've said repeatedly over the years that some of my best design work has come with Mudvayne or Atreyu or the Deftones blasting in my ears. The energy yielded by the journeymen, experts and masters of this form of art is phenomenal.

At the moment, I'm digging Soilwork, Lamb of God and Seether.

...and if you're into Metal, but not into Hip Hop, I submit for your examination: Geto Boys - Still.

Step 1: Find what I do for relaxation and enjoyment onerous, troublesome or pedantic.

Step 2: Tell me as much.

Step 3: Lose me.

I've done this scene with another actress. I didn't like it then. I won't deal with it long, now.

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Thunderstorms make these bones ache more than they naturally would.

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Heywood U. Bleaumie?

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Some of y'all act like Michael Jackson was your cousin. Stop that shit, please. Pretend like you have more intelligence, decorum, and couth than the average poo-flinging chimp, ok?

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I'm not getting enough rest. I'm SLEEPY, still. I need The Piss Uv Da Gawdz...a Mountain Dew.

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This chick didn't taper at all. She was the same width from her shoulders all the way down to her feet. Then she had on wedge heels...which only served to make her look MORE blocky.

If the word to describe the way you chose your wardrobe today is "comfortable", then you probably look like a "BEFORE" picture on What Not to Wear. Dress to accentuate the positives in you, ladies. If you don't wanna be seen as somebody's frumpy grandma, then don't dress like one.

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Kelis' idea of female empowerment: $40000 per month for child support? Nas would have done better to get custody, himself. Northern Courts SUCK! And, Nas needed a better attorney!

$40000 x 12 x 18 = $8,640,000

*smh*

That's some bullshit…and you know it.

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Why do the police have the nerve to get their pannies in a bunch when they get called on the fucked up shit they do? Only NBA referees come close to that level of bitchassededness.

It's sadly amusing: Black folks get treated so badly here that foreigners that you can't even fucking understand try to get away with some of the same shit.

American culture pulls off being both underhanded and high-handed at the same time.

And I beheld another beast coming up out of the earth; and he had two horns like a lamb, and he spake as a dragon.—Revelation 13:11

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Yeah, yeah! I understand the irony of quoting scriptures with this cussy mouf. But, I'm still right.

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BamBam's coming home today!

Yay!

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Telemarketers SUCK! If your profession is telemarketing, in ANY of its incarnations, then YOU suck! I understand that, in this economy, we can't always make the career choices that we might like to! But...you still suck as a person if you're a telephone sales representative!

...and, if you have a heavy, Southeast Asian accent, I fucking REFUSE to believe your name is "Joe" or "Ed" when you call peddling your wares. So just stop cajoling me and tell me all four syllables of your first name.

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Why do pizza joints even bother MENTIONING one-topping pizza? You know another name for one-topping pizza? Toast! That's all it is: toast:

Halfway Thru

Yahoo's 360 bought a farm. Ugh! So, I'll be putting my gamboling thoughts on display here.

Ain't life grand?

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Sometimes, I wish certain people could see me the way I am when I cease to care and when I stop 'behaving'. There is a different regard from folks once they've seen The Predator Unchained.

Of all my "potential", physical potential is the one that I've most closely approached full realization.

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*as told to a dude bragging about his car*

Just after conception, before our souls are fully formed, God gave each of us some choices. *I* chose a big dick.

Meep meep, muthafukkah!

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All this patriotic finger pointing with regards to the economy...by people pushin' foreign whips.

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Lemme put it to you this way: A person who can't fight exhibiting road rage is as pointless as a celibate nun in sexy drawz. If you ain't prepared to knuckle up, shut the fuck up about traffic.

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Some of these ungainly-assed runners need to invest in bicycles...lookin' like Jerry's Kids.

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Age is nearly as much mental as it is physical. Your music and wardrobe & music reveal your true age.

While maturity is a worthy goal, getting old is a terrible thing.

I HURT!!!

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People are actively deifying Michael Jackson. He was a recluse and a certifiable nut when he was alive. Now: OMG! Michael was (insert plaudit here)!!!

Mention the child molestation, though, and people look at you like you whipped your dick out in church. That's part of his legacy, however. That's why it's important to act like you have some sense, now. Cuz the dumb shit you do can (and should) be brought up when you die.

For example: the people who let their children stay unattended at Neverland Ranch, they should get clowned HARD at death.

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It's been said that he who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth may not go forth on the Fifth. Glad you made it, bastards.