Gone

I told you: I don't have friends. I have family, genetic and non-genetic. Jacqués Brown is family.

When I met Jacqués, he was still in middle school. He was this laid back, li'l, stocky kid with an electric smile. Jacqués is younger than my li'l sister. But, it didn't really matter. He was always in the mix with the guys my age and older. He wasn't a pest, though.

I always greeted Jacqués with: "Wassup, Jacque?" I did that because it reminded me of Bugs Bunny. He knew. He didn't care. He was always cool. When Kevin was in trouble, or when Eric was being Eric, I could look at Jacque and roll my eyes and we'd both laugh. But, he wasn't a mean kid.

Jacque could dance, too. Jacque broke out with the jit at my brother's graduation party and my jaw dropped. Kid was NICE wit' it.

I'm numb. I just saw Jacqués in May. He was fighting a respiratory infection. He was annoyed by some of the things he was dealing with professionally and personally, but he was still easy with that grin of his. We parted with a promise to stay in touch and we did through Facebook and, more rarely, phone calls.

The last enemy struck again.

Goodbye, my brother. I'll miss you.

My Niece Asked...

"What's the Right Time to Get Married?"

I replied:

There's no number. Don't do it until you find the man that's going to love you more than you love him and that you cannot possibly live without. Don't do it until you find the man that wants to wake up next to you even after you're a li'l old lady. Don't do it until you find the man that you love despite (and maybe because of) his flaws. Don't do it because he's pressuring you. Don't do it because you 'think it's a good idea'. Don't get married if you figure you can just get divorced if it doesn't work out. 

Get married because you've found the missing piece to your soul and the two of you complete each other. Find someone you can marry for life. I tell you this from experience. Each break-up and divorce tears a piece of you away and after enough scar tissue, you can't feel the way you used to. Ask around. You'll see.

Vainglory

It's interesting how this culture equates a man's parenting skills with how much crap he can put up with from his child's mother (and whether HE pays child support on time). "If he really wanted to be involved, he wouldn't let that stop him from seeing his child." May I please request that you push your head FARTHER up your ass to the point where it muffles your dumbassed mouth? The number of games that some parents play using their children as game pieces is staggering. Don't even think to pretend that women are not above using their children so.

The rule of thumb for you, my slow-witted friend, is this: Anything a man can think, feel, say or do, women have proven themselves just as capable of thinking, feeling, saying or doing. So, get off of that high, pretentious horse.

I have tried NOT to drag out details of my particular baggage because, "Hey! I picked her, right?" But, I will say that a man can get to the point where he wants to cut his losses in a situation...especially if the children are complicit in the duplicity. The promise and ability to "do what they want to do" goes far in gaining children's cooperation. After dealing with established patterns of behavior, enabling, deception and simple bullshit, I get to the point where I let them run headlong into the wall I see and they don't.

* * * * *

Professor X (X-Clan)

I've been told that I'm too serious. I don't have patience for some forms of bullshit. Love & Hip Hop (whatever city its filmed in) will never be something that entertains me. That show and those behaviors are some dumb shit. These types of folks are exactly who Professor X was describing when he said, "Vainglorious!" That you like the show says more about you than you're comfortable acknowledging.

When a person's sole criterion for judging the worth of an individual is their monetary net worth, they tend to deal with people who are devoid of real human emotion. You get people who treat other people, and worse: themselves, as objects.

Even if you realize that those behaviors are unhealthy, your viewership enables more of that type of programming to be greenlighted. "Ion't really like the show. I just watch it." *smh* That's what a rating is, numbskull. You increase the ratings just by having your TV on the channel.

I'd say that's food for thought, but whatever! Duwhutchalike...as usual.

Look at this kid.

Now...look at my kid:

Both 17. Both with little brothers. The one up top, though, is dead.

My heart goes out to his parents, family and friends. Their pain is nearly unimaginable to me. I know that I could not be as calm as they are during this time.

As part of the national discourse on Trayvon Martin's death, people are using "Black-on-White crime" statistics to defend the police chief & Trayvon's killer, Zimmerman. I'm not posting links or references because it sickens me. If you have any sort of objectivity combined with any knowledge of search engines, then all you need to do is search. You'll see what I'm talking about.

The bottom line is this: An unarmed child on a parent-sanctioned errand was stalked, attacked and slain by an armed adult who outweighed him by 100 lbs. and who, subsequently, lied about his actions. In what culture is this acceptable behavior. Melanin, genotype and phenotype have nothing to do with this CRIME. We can disagree on this. It IS a free country. But, stay away from me if you think behavior like that is in ANY way acceptable.

Pysdauf? Gneau! Pysdon!

I'm fuch a sucking fucker.

Self-containment remains out of reach. Ugh! I can't even blame the Universe this time in some lofty reach for grandiosity. This shit's solely on my shoulders.

You sits the fuck down and you shuts the fuck up!

My turn...

I need food and sleep.

---

• Counsel ≠ console. When I feel like being fussed at, I’ll let YOU know.

• If it ain’t important enough for you to leave a message, it ain’t important.

• Yes…I am!

• STFU! I got the mic!   <==

• ‘Heck’ is as much of a cuss word as ‘hell’. Stop fooling yourself. They’re both used as modifiers. You think that changing a couple letters is gonna fool God when the communicative thought is the same? “Bloody” is a cuss word in some places. “Puta” is foul in certain languages. “Scheisse” is in still others.  Since you censor your language, censor your thinking. Otherwise, you’re just wasting time.

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Happy anniversary to my parents! 42 years and they're still together. I love and appreciate the example of commitment that they've set for me.

Do You Have ‘The Love’?

My back is KILLING me! I just have to push through it until it gets better. But, something like this will make you appreciate something that you usually don't give a second thought: Mobility. It's weird: I can do crunches, pushups and military sit ups without the slightest amount of pain. But, sitting for an extended period of time? Not happening…

Good thing I know how to slouch. There's an art to the boneless slouch.

My change in state combined with my afflicted back has slimmed me out a bit. I mean, I see me and think, "Could be (much) better…but, not bad!" Then, I go around 'normal' sized people and it feels like they're all little. I need to go hang with the fam. My shoulders were SO much bigger than everyone else's before…but, time has passed. Some of the boys are now men. But, 6'4" is only fair-to-middlin' in my clan.

*snork* A guy in the lobby JUST asked me, "Where'd YOU play ball?" I have on jeans and a tee, today. So, the walking must be doing some toning.

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Do you ever stretch and then 'blue out'? That's happened to me since I was 13½. After I hit my growth spurt, whenever I stood up and stretched, everything would look blue and eventually fade, even though my eyes were open. My ears would ring. (Blackout & tinnitus…) Then, I'd pass out in the middle of the floor.

There was this girl that we thought was just SO fine when we were teenagers. Her name was Tasha. We all discussed this girl like she was the Daily News. Once, we were all at a wedding reception, I told my friends (never expecting it to happen), "Man, if the DJ plays Sunshine, I'd even ask Tasha to dance." It was as if that was his cue. Alexander O'Neal's "Sunshine" tweeted & woofed out over the speakers. My friends all turned and looked at me. Seven pair of eyes…and my pride wouldn't let me back out of this one.

I went over and asked Tasha to dance. She said yes. Their jaws all dropped.

Hah!

Anyway, Tasha was riding with her girl Tanya. Tanya came over to our house to 'borrow' me and my sisters. The grocery store near us had a sale on chicken and a limit of five per customer. Tanya was having some kind of party and needed a LOT of chicken. So, my sisters & I would allow her to get fifteen extra chickens. (Ghetto as 'red' Kool-Aid, I know. But, this is why I could SO relate to Roll Bounce.)

My sisters knew I thought Tasha was the finest thing walkin', back then. I was in the den watching TV. They came in wearing sly grins and dropped the bombshell, "Tasha is here."

I stood up and stretched, just as Tasha walked into the den…

…and fell out in the middle of the floor.

Needless to say, my sisters thought the whole situation was hee-lair-ee-us!!! They yukked it up like the sadistic wenches they were. Tasha snickered…but, she helped me up and made sure that I was ok.

*psy*

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Oh, gawd! 'member that guy? The one who wouldn't shut up and told that long, droning story? He's on his way up here. She should be back soon…or, dammit! He's here!

Good! He took his visitors and left!

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I need to stop thinking of this guy as "The Little Shit" before I accidentally call him that when I page him.

---

The kids and I coined a new one this week: S/he's so full of shit, s/he's afraid to fart. So descriptively disgusting…

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I just 'blued out' from a stretch. It actually feels kind of good.

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I talked to Laura, today. That's my ace boon coon, man! I swear! She's the only person I know that I tell exactly what I feel when I feel it. She still gave me the cyberfanga and called me an 'ass'.

LoLz!!!

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When I was actively training in ground & pound a few years ago, there was a big, white boy in my class. Dude was strong as a horse and fast as a car…and only 19 years old. He was just out high school. One of our drills was a sprint down the mat. Kid would just accelerate! The older guys in the class (me being one of them) would just look at each other and shake our heads. The guy was a freak of nature and he didn't even know it. During rolls, he'd say, "Man, I don't feel like doing this." But, you could see that he had the raw, natural skills to be whatever he wanted to be.

Guess where he decided that he wanted to be: Duffee seizes first-impression opportunity. Take it all the way, bruh! That's a rough sport. But, when you have the love, it's a lot of FUN!

---

I was still giggling aboout 'gravy beast' in chat. When I mentioned that 'gravy beast' translates into French literally as 'the beast of sauce & juice', this European sista who's fluent in French just hollered. But, she confirmed it. That one stays in the arsenal as an international insult.