Getting This Off My Chest...and Moving On

I just stretched and popped all the kinks out of my chest.

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Y'know, everybody wants different results but they don't want to change anything about what they're doing right now. This is ESPECIALLY true in employment and in relationships. I see and hear so many women complaining about the men they date. Three times out of four, there's a man to their right who loves everything about them and who wants nothing more than their love in return. But, he's usually not the type of knucklehead that she has her heart set on.

Taking my own advice, I think I'm about to find me a cute, fluffy chick who loves me as much as she loves her snacks. I know what I want. I want a pretty girl who loves her some me, who'll be my partner in building a LIFE for the two of us, and who won't give two fucks about the expectations inherent in our respective culture(s). I thought that's what I had. Turns out, I was the dummy. Yay, me!

I'm still really hurt about the way my relationship ended. I'm apprehensive about opening myself up to someone because I know the effort that I put into this relationship. I was very honest about myself and my life and my ambitions. I doted on her and put her above all. I supported her and really tried to communicate with her about the way she was feeling and the way I was feeling. I looked to her only and I stopped associating with all of the women who I used to talk to...to the point of completely cutting ties with some. She punted my heart into the stands and trotted off the field wearing a smirk.

You think that's hyperbole. I got hit by a car earlier this year. Not: my car got hit by a car earlier this year. I was a pedestrian and a li'l White girl whipped around the corner and into the crosswalk as I was crossing the street. After jumping airborne, I landed on the hood of her car. My ex-girlfriend hung up on me that night.  I wasn't arguing with her, mind you. I was honestly mulling over the fact that if I had gotten killed, there's no one in this godforsaken state who would even bury me. I told her that she should let my Dad bury me if something like that happens. He & I don't get along that well, but my father will always do the right thing. That was too much for her, I guess. She thought I was being a punk for considering my relationship with my parents.

Yet, when her family did some things to upset her...to the point where she was crying...I was there for her, letting her know that the situation would pass and that I had her back. I asked her if she wanted me to do anything for her. That's what I'm supposed to do for my woman, right?

Anyway...I'm done with all of that.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself. I think my next step should be getting my passport. Then, I can stop limiting myself to these borders and go make myself some money somewhere where they've never even heard of Love & Hip Hop.