Joy & Pain! Sunshine…and Rain!

Ugh! She just dipped a cookie in Lactaid! I'm genuinely appalled by that notion.

I trained Saturday. I didn't even feel like going to class. It was a nice, sunny day…but, my whole damned body was SORE. I just felt beat up. I went anyway.

I got beat up more. I got taken down twice and submitted once. I tend to fight down to the level of my competition. That whole cowboy ethic kicks in because I'm not really fighting. In a real fight, I'm trying to tear something off you and throw the piece on your laid out body. In training, what's the point of that?

Plus, I really want to learn technique. It isn't about being big & strong. Because, when I face somebody who is just as big and just as strong as I am (if not bigger and stronger), then, technique is what will make a difference. So, I consciously avoid 'overpowering' people to submit them. I tend to let people get holds and then using techniques and, sometimes speed, work to get out of them. In doing that, I get caught sometimes. I got caught three times, Saturday. But, (get this) I had a good time.

What is the point of saying "Armed Gunman"? Have you ever heard of an 'unarmed gunman'? *holds fingers in the classic gun pose* Check it in, fool!

It rained all day yesterday. It was that cold, penetrating rain. My bones hurt all day. I dragged my carcass to class, anyway. I got to the gym and we had to jump rope. That'll warm your bones. So, I was lightly toasted from jumping rope tripping over the rope for several minutes. Then, we learned were taught a move. Initially, I survived on sheer athleticism (and speed). I may not use all of my strength in training, but damn if I'm not using all of my speed. But, I'm beginning to remember some of my training and moves. I caught a dude in a triangle choke, last night. I also got three inverted guillotines and an ankle lock on other opponents. I didn't get submitted once.

Next class, I might get my ass royally kicked. Yesterday's class, though, was a success. Now, I just need to learn that pass he showed us.

How nerdy is an R2D2 ringtone? I guess it's better than taped glasses, a pocket protector and floods.

…and then?

I think that I have a thumbprint on my calf.

Everything between my clavicles and my waist is Under Construction.

My ex-wife told me today that my daughter is afraid of me. What kind of screwy bullshit is THAT? Every time I talk to this chick, I wish that I could go back in time to just before I proposed to her and slap the SHIT out of my younger self.

Anyway…

*lookin' @ my watch*

Any minute now, some chick is gonna tell me how I hate women.

*Thelma Evans-class eye roll*

Whutiver…yer wrong and I'm not arguing with you about it. I hate dumb women. If you're not a dumb woman, then I'm not talking to or about you.

*paradigm shift*

Ain't it great to be alive?

You see that dummy try to outrun the police and get tased today? FAIL!

Anyway…I have a lot on my mind, but little to say tonight.

Peace…

Crabbie Patties

Do we really have that crabs in a bucket mentality? Sheesh! Remember when I told you how brothaz do each other in class when they're a little advanced and know a couple things? They try to put you in a hold that hurts. Basically, they wanna make you look like a bitch. What's going on in their heads that they think this is necessary? I'm wondering if there's some subtle dynamic in the class that I'm missing that makes a brotha come roaring out of the blocks like that.

Now, before I dealt with all of this, I got called out by this Latino dude. I don't know why he called ME out, with 15 people standing there. But, he did. So, we rolled. He immediately went into a flurry of moves trying to submit me. I wasn't being mean or malicious, honestly. But, I bounced him all over that mat. Mostly working on the 'No' technique. I got a side mount. I went from a side mount to a full mount. That's pretty good. I'm pleased that I could do that.

Tonight, I rolled with three brothaz, a Latino and an Asian dude. I got caught in one armbar…but, that's because I couldn't do ANOTHER somersault. Yeah, me: All 76" and eighth of a ton of dark meat in class doing flips to get out of holds. So, anyway, new guy in class tonight…big brotha named Curtis. Curtis is strong as shit, too. But, I was showing him the basic guard and guard pass. He was burning a lot of energy trying to keep me in his guard. I told him, "At our size, you're going to burn energy a lot faster than these little dudes. Conserve energy."

So, then the other brotha comes over. He says, "We'll switch up." So, Curtis goes and sticks his neck out and gets triangle choked. I ain't tell him about that. I guess that was Lesson 2. So, then, I roll with the dude and he immediately started trying to put me in an armbar. I employed the 'No' technique to perfection. I looked up at Curtis and said, "He knows a lot of arm submissions." So, of course, dude switches over to leg submissions. I did three (count 'em: THREE) flips to get out of them. He looked at me with new respect after that.

I rolled with Tom today. Tom's Vietnamese and built like a fireplug. Every time that I've been honestly submitted and it wasn't fatigue, Tom's done it. He makes me sick. But, Tom's a cool dude. So, whatever. Tom started out in my guard, worked out of it, and blocked my armbar attempt. (My submissions SUCK!!!) I did two flips getting out of armbars by Tom. The last time, I was EXHAUSTED. I ended up tapping. So far, of all the fighters that I've faced, Tom's the only person that my 'No' technique just flat-out fails on. Of course, he has forearms like Popeye, no exaggeration. He grabs my wrist and it's like being in a vise…and I can't MAKE him let go. *smh* I'm subconsciously workin' on that one. 

Papa Klump to Mama Klump (after she kept passing out seeing Sherman's transformations: I ain't gon' keep PICKIN' yo' big ass up!

And, lastly, I rolled with this brotha named Joseph. Joseph worked hard. I was hard-pressed to keep him in my guard. I went for an armbar and that muhfukkah flipped me completely over. I kicked off the wall and got out of a submission. I narrowed my eyes. I said, 'How long have you been doing this?" He said that he'd only been in class a couple months. I had a psyqyq epiphany: But, you've wrestled, haven't you? He just grinned. I said, "I hate fighting wrestlers. It's like fighting a wet blanket." I almost got him in an iron cross.

All-in-all, I had a really good workout. The teacher gave me pounds. The arm that got caught in the armbar HURTS, though. I need a big booty cutie to sit on it and massage it with her asscheeks.

. o O ( Did I just say that out loud?!? )

Elephant Bullets

Remember the bull from Bugs Bunny?



Yeah…him.

Imagine him somehow were-morphed into human form. That's who I had to spar with tonight…

Now, imagine the were-bull tenderizing 250 pounds of raw steak…with Thor's hammer.

That was me…18 minutes on the mat with a minotaur, bay-beee!!!!

'member when I was all like, "I wanna spar with somebody MY size?" Fuck that! Gimme more skinny dudes. My shoulders and neck are BURNING, right now. That fool grabbed my head in both hands and freaking YANKED! Fortunately, I'm fast as a cobra. I hit the mat and skidded away like a hockey puck. (Hockey pucks are black, see?) Anyway, he grabbed my ankles and yanked. He grabbed my arms and yanked. He...sensing a theme here? I'm glad his ass was tired from training all day. Sheesh. Fighting him fresh would've been a nightmare!

The teacher said good training, though!

Your Lucky Star Isn’t

It is the 21^st Century. Scientists are working on quantum computers. That is: microscopic computers. Humans have gone to the moon and mapped the human genome. Despite the hate in their souls, white folks fuсked around and elected an African-American as President of the United States. So, you'd think that things were advancing, even if they weren't necessarily improving, right?

The people I know are not children. That is to say, they're grown muhfukkaz, right? How come, near the second decade of the 21^st Century, the people I know still believe in fuсking astrology. I mean: I could understand confusion about evolution. I can even get some of the weirder religious beliefs of some folks. But, for the life of me, I do not understand why Black folks CLING stubbornly to astrology. You know why so many people are born in mid-to-late September? Cuz, their parents got drunk on Christmas/New Years. How special is THAT star?

*smh*

Raw & Uncut Cynicism

This is a repost from a blog I wrote four years ago. Something about it resonates...but, probably not for the reason YOU think.

---

The reality and the fantasy...

Know what the ORIGINAL Kryptonite is? Let me provide some biblical examples for you:

Adam was a perfect man GIFTED with the perfect woman crafted by the Supreme Being. That's a li'l different from your aunt telling you about her friend's cute daughter. Remember how that turned out?

Samson was the strongest man alive. He killed a lion with his bare hands. BEFORE he met Delilah, he was married. Did you know that? Samson asked a riddle of his new inlaws. The bet was: 30 linen garments and 30 sets of clothes.

"Then Samson's wife threw herself on him, sobbing, 'You hate me! You don't really love me. You've given my people a riddle, but you haven't told me the answer.'"

"I haven't even explained it to my father or mother," he replied, "so why should I explain it to you?" She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in turn explained the riddle to her people."

*scowl*

I keep hearing Dave Mustaine croon how it all turns to ashes in your mouth.

Each year of life another hope, dream or desire is crushed irrevocably. When you see a newborn, you see near infinite potential, promise and possibility. Each year of that child's life SOMETHING gets crossed off the list.

• "Whoop! Clumsy! So much for gymnastics!"
• "Another D in math? So much for physics!"
• "Lazy eye not getting any better, huh? So much for fighter pilot!"

The sons of Hanuman CLING to hope like soap scum on the side of a bathtub, though. They hold the people who slide past the mathematical probabilities up as an example. What do people say when they think they're 'encouraging' you? "[Insert improbable event here] COULD happen to you! It happened to such-&-such. I was reading about it in the paper the other day."

Bleh!

...a 2Pac quote comes to mind.