Hellbound

I just put Jesus in an armbar and submitted him.

You know...Jesus...my Mexican training partner. What'd you think I meant?

It was SWEET, though. I got there and got segregated...like a goat from the sheep. Everyone else was in their traditional 'gi'. On the other hand, there was me. No gi. Me and two other dudes. I feel like a bully, though...like Butch from The Little Rascals. ("Say! When's the last time we beat you up!""*Gulp* Yesterday..." "Then, yer DUE! *WHAM!*") They're not in my weight class. Although, the smaller dude was a lot more experienced in jiu jitsu. After this competition, my instructor's gonna make me pay. I can feel him assessing me from across the mat.

I told you what my technique is. Any four-year-old can do it. 'You wanna do what to me? No.' They grab my arm. I take my arm back. They pull. I make 'em let go and fall down. The difference is: I make it look like (Whooo!) "t-e-c-h-n-i-q-u-e". LoL...you gotta say 'technique' with a French accent, too.

Yeah, I know. My teacher's gonna beat me up. I see it coming. Imma jump up like that fool in Whiteboys after he got stomped like, "Am I in?!?"

Anyway, I just realized that Jesus looked at me when he told me his name expecting me to smirk. I must be growing up. (I offer a pre-"fuck you" for that "'bout time!" that you just thought.) He asked me if I'd ever rolled before. I nodded, then we were off. He immediately put me in his guard. I passed his guard and went to a side mount. He refused to let me choke him like I planned. (I know. Right? The nerve...) Imma get me a gottdammed guillotine on somebody, I swear. My daughter is NOT gonna be the only person in the family to choke out two (count them: 1, 2) dudes with a guillotine choke, dammit! To be fair, the dudes I spar with have heads like frozen turkeys...but, that's besides the point.

What was my point?

Oh, yeah! So, anyway...couldn't get the choke in the side mount. Jesus rolled onto his knees. So, I tried another choke. Jesus tried to flip me. I dispassionately refused to flip. He landed on his back and I was in the full mount. Grabbed his elbow, put him in an armbar. I submitted Jesus. I win.