You're the Only One

I only wish that I could do something like this with my daughter.

Physical Graffiti

My ex-wife is high yella. In fact, I know quite a few caucasians who are actually DARKER than she is. The only thing, besides a complete lack of desire, that kept her from passing for White is her nose.

Now, I'm not saying this to extol the virtues of her translucent skin and inability to tan. I was just musing on something that I used to do. Y'see, sometimes, I get bored easily. I mean, I'm sitting there, there's nothing to do, everything is quiet, everyone else is asleep, I have a Sharpie...

So, I'd write on her naked buttcheeks while she was asleep. I mean, I couldn't put a whole manifesto on her ass cuz that would wake her up. But, I could write short, concise statements on life, the universe and our place in it. You know...shit like: This End Up! complete with an arrow. Sometimes, I'd write "Bite Me". Or, the ever-pithy: ASS

Then, I wouldn't say anything. She'd get up later and begin or continue her day. It wasn't until she had to 'drop trou' in front of a mirror that my handiwork would become apparent. Then, I'd hear my name bellowed from the echoing space of the bathroom. Shortly afterward, I'd be confronted by an angry midget! "Stop writing on my ass!!!"

*psy*

I miss that.

Joy & Pain! Sunshine…and Rain!

Ugh! She just dipped a cookie in Lactaid! I'm genuinely appalled by that notion.

I trained Saturday. I didn't even feel like going to class. It was a nice, sunny day…but, my whole damned body was SORE. I just felt beat up. I went anyway.

I got beat up more. I got taken down twice and submitted once. I tend to fight down to the level of my competition. That whole cowboy ethic kicks in because I'm not really fighting. In a real fight, I'm trying to tear something off you and throw the piece on your laid out body. In training, what's the point of that?

Plus, I really want to learn technique. It isn't about being big & strong. Because, when I face somebody who is just as big and just as strong as I am (if not bigger and stronger), then, technique is what will make a difference. So, I consciously avoid 'overpowering' people to submit them. I tend to let people get holds and then using techniques and, sometimes speed, work to get out of them. In doing that, I get caught sometimes. I got caught three times, Saturday. But, (get this) I had a good time.

What is the point of saying "Armed Gunman"? Have you ever heard of an 'unarmed gunman'? *holds fingers in the classic gun pose* Check it in, fool!

It rained all day yesterday. It was that cold, penetrating rain. My bones hurt all day. I dragged my carcass to class, anyway. I got to the gym and we had to jump rope. That'll warm your bones. So, I was lightly toasted from jumping rope tripping over the rope for several minutes. Then, we learned were taught a move. Initially, I survived on sheer athleticism (and speed). I may not use all of my strength in training, but damn if I'm not using all of my speed. But, I'm beginning to remember some of my training and moves. I caught a dude in a triangle choke, last night. I also got three inverted guillotines and an ankle lock on other opponents. I didn't get submitted once.

Next class, I might get my ass royally kicked. Yesterday's class, though, was a success. Now, I just need to learn that pass he showed us.

How nerdy is an R2D2 ringtone? I guess it's better than taped glasses, a pocket protector and floods.

…and then?

I think that I have a thumbprint on my calf.

Everything between my clavicles and my waist is Under Construction.

My ex-wife told me today that my daughter is afraid of me. What kind of screwy bullshit is THAT? Every time I talk to this chick, I wish that I could go back in time to just before I proposed to her and slap the SHIT out of my younger self.

Anyway…

*lookin' @ my watch*

Any minute now, some chick is gonna tell me how I hate women.

*Thelma Evans-class eye roll*

Whutiver…yer wrong and I'm not arguing with you about it. I hate dumb women. If you're not a dumb woman, then I'm not talking to or about you.

*paradigm shift*

Ain't it great to be alive?

You see that dummy try to outrun the police and get tased today? FAIL!

Anyway…I have a lot on my mind, but little to say tonight.

Peace…

Crabbie Patties

Do we really have that crabs in a bucket mentality? Sheesh! Remember when I told you how brothaz do each other in class when they're a little advanced and know a couple things? They try to put you in a hold that hurts. Basically, they wanna make you look like a bitch. What's going on in their heads that they think this is necessary? I'm wondering if there's some subtle dynamic in the class that I'm missing that makes a brotha come roaring out of the blocks like that.

Now, before I dealt with all of this, I got called out by this Latino dude. I don't know why he called ME out, with 15 people standing there. But, he did. So, we rolled. He immediately went into a flurry of moves trying to submit me. I wasn't being mean or malicious, honestly. But, I bounced him all over that mat. Mostly working on the 'No' technique. I got a side mount. I went from a side mount to a full mount. That's pretty good. I'm pleased that I could do that.

Tonight, I rolled with three brothaz, a Latino and an Asian dude. I got caught in one armbar…but, that's because I couldn't do ANOTHER somersault. Yeah, me: All 76" and eighth of a ton of dark meat in class doing flips to get out of holds. So, anyway, new guy in class tonight…big brotha named Curtis. Curtis is strong as shit, too. But, I was showing him the basic guard and guard pass. He was burning a lot of energy trying to keep me in his guard. I told him, "At our size, you're going to burn energy a lot faster than these little dudes. Conserve energy."

So, then the other brotha comes over. He says, "We'll switch up." So, Curtis goes and sticks his neck out and gets triangle choked. I ain't tell him about that. I guess that was Lesson 2. So, then, I roll with the dude and he immediately started trying to put me in an armbar. I employed the 'No' technique to perfection. I looked up at Curtis and said, "He knows a lot of arm submissions." So, of course, dude switches over to leg submissions. I did three (count 'em: THREE) flips to get out of them. He looked at me with new respect after that.

I rolled with Tom today. Tom's Vietnamese and built like a fireplug. Every time that I've been honestly submitted and it wasn't fatigue, Tom's done it. He makes me sick. But, Tom's a cool dude. So, whatever. Tom started out in my guard, worked out of it, and blocked my armbar attempt. (My submissions SUCK!!!) I did two flips getting out of armbars by Tom. The last time, I was EXHAUSTED. I ended up tapping. So far, of all the fighters that I've faced, Tom's the only person that my 'No' technique just flat-out fails on. Of course, he has forearms like Popeye, no exaggeration. He grabs my wrist and it's like being in a vise…and I can't MAKE him let go. *smh* I'm subconsciously workin' on that one. 

Papa Klump to Mama Klump (after she kept passing out seeing Sherman's transformations: I ain't gon' keep PICKIN' yo' big ass up!

And, lastly, I rolled with this brotha named Joseph. Joseph worked hard. I was hard-pressed to keep him in my guard. I went for an armbar and that muhfukkah flipped me completely over. I kicked off the wall and got out of a submission. I narrowed my eyes. I said, 'How long have you been doing this?" He said that he'd only been in class a couple months. I had a psyqyq epiphany: But, you've wrestled, haven't you? He just grinned. I said, "I hate fighting wrestlers. It's like fighting a wet blanket." I almost got him in an iron cross.

All-in-all, I had a really good workout. The teacher gave me pounds. The arm that got caught in the armbar HURTS, though. I need a big booty cutie to sit on it and massage it with her asscheeks.

. o O ( Did I just say that out loud?!? )

Elephant Bullets

Remember the bull from Bugs Bunny?



Yeah…him.

Imagine him somehow were-morphed into human form. That's who I had to spar with tonight…

Now, imagine the were-bull tenderizing 250 pounds of raw steak…with Thor's hammer.

That was me…18 minutes on the mat with a minotaur, bay-beee!!!!

'member when I was all like, "I wanna spar with somebody MY size?" Fuck that! Gimme more skinny dudes. My shoulders and neck are BURNING, right now. That fool grabbed my head in both hands and freaking YANKED! Fortunately, I'm fast as a cobra. I hit the mat and skidded away like a hockey puck. (Hockey pucks are black, see?) Anyway, he grabbed my ankles and yanked. He grabbed my arms and yanked. He...sensing a theme here? I'm glad his ass was tired from training all day. Sheesh. Fighting him fresh would've been a nightmare!

The teacher said good training, though!

Your Lucky Star Isn’t

It is the 21^st Century. Scientists are working on quantum computers. That is: microscopic computers. Humans have gone to the moon and mapped the human genome. Despite the hate in their souls, white folks fuсked around and elected an African-American as President of the United States. So, you'd think that things were advancing, even if they weren't necessarily improving, right?

The people I know are not children. That is to say, they're grown muhfukkaz, right? How come, near the second decade of the 21^st Century, the people I know still believe in fuсking astrology. I mean: I could understand confusion about evolution. I can even get some of the weirder religious beliefs of some folks. But, for the life of me, I do not understand why Black folks CLING stubbornly to astrology. You know why so many people are born in mid-to-late September? Cuz, their parents got drunk on Christmas/New Years. How special is THAT star?

*smh*

Raw & Uncut Cynicism

This is a repost from a blog I wrote four years ago. Something about it resonates...but, probably not for the reason YOU think.

---

The reality and the fantasy...

Know what the ORIGINAL Kryptonite is? Let me provide some biblical examples for you:

Adam was a perfect man GIFTED with the perfect woman crafted by the Supreme Being. That's a li'l different from your aunt telling you about her friend's cute daughter. Remember how that turned out?

Samson was the strongest man alive. He killed a lion with his bare hands. BEFORE he met Delilah, he was married. Did you know that? Samson asked a riddle of his new inlaws. The bet was: 30 linen garments and 30 sets of clothes.

"Then Samson's wife threw herself on him, sobbing, 'You hate me! You don't really love me. You've given my people a riddle, but you haven't told me the answer.'"

"I haven't even explained it to my father or mother," he replied, "so why should I explain it to you?" She cried the whole seven days of the feast. So on the seventh day he finally told her, because she continued to press him. She in turn explained the riddle to her people."

*scowl*

I keep hearing Dave Mustaine croon how it all turns to ashes in your mouth.

Each year of life another hope, dream or desire is crushed irrevocably. When you see a newborn, you see near infinite potential, promise and possibility. Each year of that child's life SOMETHING gets crossed off the list.

• "Whoop! Clumsy! So much for gymnastics!"
• "Another D in math? So much for physics!"
• "Lazy eye not getting any better, huh? So much for fighter pilot!"

The sons of Hanuman CLING to hope like soap scum on the side of a bathtub, though. They hold the people who slide past the mathematical probabilities up as an example. What do people say when they think they're 'encouraging' you? "[Insert improbable event here] COULD happen to you! It happened to such-&-such. I was reading about it in the paper the other day."

Bleh!

...a 2Pac quote comes to mind.

Addressing (some of) MY Issues

OK, y'all are gonna need to stay offa here if you take what I write as a personal assault on your identity. Then, you hit me up all mad at me like I'm trying to sneak & talk about you. Fuck I got to be afraid of you for? I mean, seriously...If I'm gonna talk about YOU, then trust that I can and will name names.

So, Rosa, I'm sorry what I wrote upset you. But, I wasn't talking about you in particular.

*back to generalized statements*

I'm not gonna be stifled though. I'm gonna say what I think and what I feel. This is MY blog. If you can't handle it, then don't click the link to come here or don't type the address in the Address Bar. It's pretty simple.

This is why I tend to stay to myself, though. I tell you what's up with me from the giddyup. I'm single. I date, occasionally. I'm not trying to be in a committed relationship, right now. Then, I catch hell later because I'm acting the way I said I would? Is that 'woman logic'?

That don't really fly with me, ladies. All the high-fiving y'all do together and ribald commentary on your superiority to men, but then you tell me in the next sentence that you really have no control over your reactions? "Sometimes, we can't stand ourselves." "Men MAKE women act the way they do."

Riiiight!

Can't have it both ways, though. Either you are the superior beings you claim to be, which means you're in complete control of your actions & emotions and the things you do are intentional; or you're just as screwy as you admit to being when you're being honest/shifting the blame. *shrug* I don't much care. I love women to death. Goodness, y'all are lovely. But, I feel the way I feel about a relationship, right now. Leave me alone, if you can't deal with me.

Call it baggage, if you must. Complain that it isn't fair, if you're so inclined. But, the way I see it, I've had one woman decide that, 'Oops! I made a mistake! I don't want to be with you, any more.' That was her choice, just like what you do is your choice. But, that ripped my fucking family to shreds. My kids have had all kinds of issues stemming from the dissolution of their family structure. I have two sons living with me that are just now getting to a point of normalcy. My impressionable daughter, who I now see occasionally, has had some real issues that have expressed themselves in the time that's occurred since my divorce. THAT's what I have to worry about.

Now, here you come, swearing up & down that you ain't like 'them other bitches'.

If you say so...

You really ain't tryna deal with me and just MY issues...let alone my kids and theirs. I have more to lose than sleep by being in another relationship.

So, you can pop off at me and be all furious, if you want to. That does more to reinforce what I feel than anything. And, as I've been saying: This is more about what's going on with ME, than anything that YOU have done.

Anyway...whatever level we deal on, if I tell you that we're cool, if I tell you that I dig you; then that's what I mean. If you wanna be mad at me and/or not deal with me because I'm not immediately dropping to one knee to ask you to be my bride, then that's your right.

Regardless...deuces!

The Attraction of Attrition

The price of civilization is the proliferation of utter, fucking morons. You think many stupid people survived past puberty in Mongol society? or Incan? Newp. Slice!

But, America? This place is saturated with fools, morons, imbeciles and dumbfucks. Ugh! The gene pool needs chlorination. Reinstate the draft! Shit. See a particularly stupid muthafukkah? EOD training. And, then stand WAYYYYY back.

No, Jenkins!!! The blue wire! The blu-!

*boom*

...

NEXT!

People discount the attitudes on the internet because, well, "it's just the internet." But, that shit's indicative how muthafukkaz feel in the core of their soul. They feel little or no fear of reprisal, so they say the most fucked up shit they can imagine--li'l fraidy muhfuggaz who'd mumble quietly to their friends in the corner of the bar rather than swagger up to the object of their petty hatred with all that braggadocio. *smh* They're viciously stupid, but well-positioned to turn their venom onto YOU, soon.

You already know that I see politics as the machination used by people who cannot FIGHT to maintain order. It is a popularity contest for lemmings. Well, the cliff is coming up and Democrats, Republicans, Tea Partiers and Independents all think they know "The Way".

Bon Voyage, muthafukkaz!

Intelligent, independent thought remains at a premium.

Do you see it coming? The next presidential race will be brutally vicious. All of the issues in American society and politics have come home to roost under this presidency. This President has been called 'the worst President in American history' by one lemming. Another asked, 'What do you think about Obama building a mosque @ Ground Zero?'

Seriously, dude, what the fuck? Somebody told you that President Obama is building a mosque...and you believed them. *smh* You Sterno drinking, cousin groping moron...

While you're drinkin' Moscato, playing Farmville and learning how to Dougie, politics is NOT going on 'as usual'. It has, in fact, taken a turn for the worse. Polarize the (m)asses and you garner a wave of political support. They're stupid, but you can't tell them that they're stupid. Enter the Dragon Lady! She's enough of a MILF to stir the yokel's passions in more than one manner. Using carefully crafted speeches and rhetoric, conservatives have garnered a groundswell of support. The villagers, with their pitchforks and rakes, are going after the monster. The barons stand back and watch.

*smh*

Vicious li'l bitches...

The next Presidential election takes place the year after next. Do you honestly think your minority vote can counteract this well-placed, insidiously crafted attack, not just on the President, but on you? There could be consequences and repercussions if a Klansman calls you a 'nigger'. But, who ya gonna call if he smirks and calls you a "Liberal"? Ghostbusters? Insidiously crafted...

But, this is your game. I've yet to be convinced that masses of people are anything other than stupid. But, you think that 'every vote counts' and all that. This is your wake up call. You gonna figure this shit out? *whisper* Reinstate the draft!

Passing Guard

I didn't even WANT to go train tonight. But, I went anyway. It was frikkin' awesome!!!

I didn't get submitted once. Of course, there's no one really in my weight class. So: L on that. But, I got a double-leg takedown on Jesus! *smirk* Yeah! I got a single leg takedown on my other opponent, as well.

Honestly, I'm just glad they're tired by the time I get there. I'll have to get my gi soon to learn classic jiu jitsu.

But, yeah, Active Takedowns...I did quite nicely. I did get taken down once, though.

Then, we had to practice passing guard. OK, of the two people sparring/fighting, the person whose legs are on the outside is in control. If the guy on the bottom has his legs outside of the guy on the top, he's got the guard. If the guy on the top is sitting on the abdomen or chest with his legs outside of his opponent's, then he is in the mount position. So, I started out trying to pass the guard of my opponent, John. I passed his guard four times in five minutes. Awesome, man! Awesome!

Then, we switched positions and he was in my guard. For five straight minutes, I kept him from passing my guard ONCE. Goodness, I'm proud of that. I didn't know I could do that. I was almost to the point of wheezing, but I damned did it.

THEN, we rolled. Rolling is freestyle sparring in jiu jitsu. I was lightly toasted by then. I gotta get my cardio up, f'reals. I rolled with John first. He got a half guard on me and I could NOT get that leg free. I wanted an armbar. John is strong and compact though. I figured that, if I fully committed to it while in that half guard, he'd make me pay for it, somehow...some way. So, we ended in what I thought was a draw. John told me that I would have won on points. Cool!

Then, I rolled with Julio. I kept him in my guard for four minutes and by then I was exhausted. He passed my guard and got a side mount. But, I didn't let him make me submit. Yay, me!

I wanted to flip him over me onto his back. But, I was too tired to figure it out. I think I have a move figured out, now. Maybe, I'll try it another time.

Angel Dust

Sean Price went to Europe and showed his ENTIRE ass! This shit is fonkeh! OMG!!!

The Race Card

Omar Thornton took his guns to work in Connecticut and went out with bangs & a whimper. Do I believe that he suffered racist attitudes from coworkers? Well, I don't disbelieve it. Do I endorse the way he handled the situation? Naw. Not even close.

But, Yahoo's article gave a virtually anonymous forum for people to vent how they really feel. The sense of entitlement displayed is rather nauseating. Check out your neighbors & friends:

I used to be a pretty easy going person. Grew up with Black and Hispanic friends and we all got along. I was never a racist, events over the past few years have turned me towards the truth. The truth about the majority of black communities. You are the most hateful and racist of all the other communities in America. You lie, steal, cheat, kill off your own people, destroy your neighborhoods , act like fools in public and expect everything to be handed to you for free because you were once oppressed. You talk about Africa as the "Mother Land" with no idea of what it is even like there. We White folk are sick of your crap, sick of your arrogance and sick of the culture you have created to act as if you are the victim in every instance. The sooner we are rid of you all, the better off we will be as a nation.

Pcub

I flat out don't believe a word of it. "A noose with racist graffiti?"

This has become the "lie du jour" for blacks claiming to be the targets of "racism." They've become so used to getting their way, regardless of how absurd their allegations, they just keep recycling the same old nonsense. Kind of like the Jews with their "holocaust."

Tom Di Vecchioni

The unspoken truth about African-Americans is that today's African-Americans are the descendants of yesterday's slaves. Those slaves were bred like animals to be dumb field hands, not critical thinkers or leaders. They are descended from a limited gene pool that has more in common with livestock than mankind.

Black people the world over don't see themselves as related to African-Americans. Because they're not. African-Americans, as we know them, don't even exist in nature.

This is all science fact. Perhaps we stop with this PC nonsense and realize not everyone is created equal, especially when our American history books are filled with this "white elephant in the room" disclosure.

Tell me now, what's racist or incorrect about what I've said?

GMetesky

Blacks will never be taken seriously until they start pulling their own weight in society.

e

Another excuse from and excuse maker...no matter how stressed out you are normal people don't go killing other people ...he is a bigoted black man with an inferiority complex...look around its an epidemic in the African American community

phillysmart

He didn't SNAP, it was his nature. Same as them rioting and tearing up their own neighbor hood for the slightest reason.

 corri

Blacks are like co.ckroaches.....

Multiple like, well... co.ckroaches ....and infest everything they come in contact with.

Theone Two

The blacks dont care about the facts, so don't waste your breath

dave 

01110000 01110011 01111001

There are people that cannot live comfortably without codifying every nuance of their existence. I am a big proponent of living and letting live. So, if a person has this sort of personality, then fine. Be who you are. BUT, this obsession with defining the motive behind every action of MINE; this drive to 'figure me out', will more than likely just annoy me.

A great many people take 'shortcuts' in thought. That's partially what memory is. Analogously, you don't have to relearn things because you remember that 'B' follows 'A'. As long as that pattern is true, then that 'shortcut' of thought is efficient. Quite a few people rarely take the time to determine whether their familiar pattern of thought is even appropriate to new situations they encounter. Rather than change the way they think to match the new pattern presented, these people continue to try hammering round pegs into square holes. To be fair, we ALL have blind spots. That's one of the conditions of imperfection. But, some folks take their blind spots to the extreme.

I've been told by a few people that, "You seem like you date White girls." *smh* That's a bullshitty, binary-assed equation, as if:

1 = White women & 0 = my fist

News Flash: I do like White women. Here's the key, though: Just because I like one thing does not mean I dislike its alternatives. I also like Brown, Mocha, Caramel and (Haha) Fudge colored women. Yella girls and red girls are cute to me as well, even if they're a li'l narrow across the beam for my tastes. Don't try to pigeonhole me in that spot in your intentionally narrowed perceptions just so that you can feel comfortable dealing with me. Just leave me alone if that's beyond your present capabilities.

---

Y'know, at this age, a lot of people are trying to get resettled in some sort of well-defined relationship, if for no other reason than to be able to describe it to their friends. I, personally, am DATING. I married a woman when I was 21 years old with the expectation of being with her for the next few billion years. If you know me, you'll realize that I am not engaging in hyperbole when I say that. That whole marriage thing blew up in my face like a one of Wile E. Coyote's traps. 2008 was the end of that. So, now, why the hell would you think that I'd want to jump into something else only two years later?

To be fair, after nearly 20 years (droll when compared to that whole 'billions' thing, I know), I got acclimated to captivity. I wanted that sense of confinement. Open the cage door on a tiger who's been cooped up for that length of time and watch how he looks back @ the cage door when you drag him out. So, I flailed about seeking the limits to this new situation. But, after two years of not having to worry who I talk to about what, after two years of doing what the fuck I wanna do because I wanna do it; do you really think I'm 'bout to rush back into the captivity of somebody ELSE's expectations?

Mmmmmno.

...and, no. I'm not talking about you. This is introspection and clearing my head. But, if you feel you need to deal with me in a 'certain way' based on what you've read, then I understand.

Hellbound

I just put Jesus in an armbar and submitted him.

You know...Jesus...my Mexican training partner. What'd you think I meant?

It was SWEET, though. I got there and got segregated...like a goat from the sheep. Everyone else was in their traditional 'gi'. On the other hand, there was me. No gi. Me and two other dudes. I feel like a bully, though...like Butch from The Little Rascals. ("Say! When's the last time we beat you up!""*Gulp* Yesterday..." "Then, yer DUE! *WHAM!*") They're not in my weight class. Although, the smaller dude was a lot more experienced in jiu jitsu. After this competition, my instructor's gonna make me pay. I can feel him assessing me from across the mat.

I told you what my technique is. Any four-year-old can do it. 'You wanna do what to me? No.' They grab my arm. I take my arm back. They pull. I make 'em let go and fall down. The difference is: I make it look like (Whooo!) "t-e-c-h-n-i-q-u-e". LoL...you gotta say 'technique' with a French accent, too.

Yeah, I know. My teacher's gonna beat me up. I see it coming. Imma jump up like that fool in Whiteboys after he got stomped like, "Am I in?!?"

Anyway, I just realized that Jesus looked at me when he told me his name expecting me to smirk. I must be growing up. (I offer a pre-"fuck you" for that "'bout time!" that you just thought.) He asked me if I'd ever rolled before. I nodded, then we were off. He immediately put me in his guard. I passed his guard and went to a side mount. He refused to let me choke him like I planned. (I know. Right? The nerve...) Imma get me a gottdammed guillotine on somebody, I swear. My daughter is NOT gonna be the only person in the family to choke out two (count them: 1, 2) dudes with a guillotine choke, dammit! To be fair, the dudes I spar with have heads like frozen turkeys...but, that's besides the point.

What was my point?

Oh, yeah! So, anyway...couldn't get the choke in the side mount. Jesus rolled onto his knees. So, I tried another choke. Jesus tried to flip me. I dispassionately refused to flip. He landed on his back and I was in the full mount. Grabbed his elbow, put him in an armbar. I submitted Jesus. I win.

The Many Times I Feel Lonely

I'm reasonably assured that you don't know nothin' 'bout Esthero? I'm disheartened because you should. Let me know what you think.

I Got an Owie!

I just realized that I aggravated the mat burn on my left, big toe. Cherry red where there's no skin. It doesn't even hurt, but I need some liquid bandage for it...or some shellack.

I did the full warm up, today (running, tumbling, the whole nine). When I left the gym, my shirt was soaked. It was torn, too. So, much for Izod. It used to fit snugger than it does, now. I submitted a guy cuz I got him in a hold and he couldn't breathe because my shirt was so wet. I guess I used a 'gi' move on him. I'll need to get some UnderArmor, I guess. I'm not bad, but Ion't think my body is ready to be displayed like that, yet. Gimme six weeks at this pace, though.

There was a kid rolling today...11 years old. I felt all paternalistic toward him. I showed him how to do a single leg takedown.  (Damn! My nose was bleeding. I did not realize that til I just blew it.) The kid has a good grasp of technique.

There was another brotha there who goes by 'King'. Um...ok. He's a boxer. His arms were very defined and strong. I tell you this not in admiration or anything. It's just that different disciplines have different strong suits. Throwing 10 & 12-ounce gloves around constantly is going to make your arms and shoulders strong.  I submitted him once, but mainly I showed him a couple things, and gave him my basic philosophy: When a guy is moving your arm or leg a certain way or maneuvering you a certain way, don't let him. Cuz, he's gonna do something next that's usually REALLY gonna hurt. So, when he pulls your arm, take your arm back. This was King's second class in this discipline. He seemed to appreciate what I showed him.

I sparred with Pedro, again. Sparring with Pedro is tiring. He's very strong and he's always trying to do something to you that's gonna hurt...a lot. So, I spent a bit of time reversing holds and passing his guard and trying my damnedest not to get the shit choked out of me (literally...that'd be VERY embarrassing).

That brings to mind my last class. One guy asked an instructor, "If a guy shits himself and quits, does that count as a submission." The instructor said, "No...but, if you shit yourself and your opponent doesn't want to continue, then THAT's a submission." LoL...fighter humor.

Anyway, Pedro told me that our instructor TOLD him to wear me out today. It seems that I've already gotten a reputation for being 'big & strong' and this was my second class at this gym. Well, I have to admit it: I gassed. I tapped and I wasn't even in a hold. I was just fucking T-I-R-E-D. Six minute rounds and this was the third? Yeah, the new guy was spent. I'm going to get better, though. Trust me on that.

Anyway, I got it together and then fought one of the 'gi' fighters. See, there's 'gi', traditional jiu jitsu with the belt and the robe (see pic above). Then, there's 'no gi'. (pic right) Gi is a lot more traditional, as you might imagine. 'No gi' might seem like wrasslin', but it like many martial arts is very scientific in its approach to anatomy and specialized forms of personal mayhem.

I'm having a BLAST. Now, to find some liquid bandage.

Rollin', Rollin', Rollin'

Mat burn on both big toes, I'm coughing up 4.5 years of phlegm and wheezing like an asthmatic beatboxer who can't find his inhaler. My shoulders feeling like they've been put in a blender on PUREE and then patted back into place. My ass feels like it's going to cramp from jumping rope for minutes at a time. A tattooed Latino is looming over me flexing his fingers and putting both of his hands on my throat to choke me.

And to think: I wanted to do this.

...the fuck?!?

Yeah, I'm back in jiu jitsu. I freaking LOVE this. How come I jump rope better than the Brazilian chicks? (THAT was distracting, by the way. I tripped over the rope a couple/few times trying to NOT watch the jigglage. Eventually, I had to turn and face the wall.) That's another indicator that I'm serious about this stuff. There was a chick fight with Brazilian chicks, no less, going on mere feet from me. (The girls sparred.) I didn't even stop to watch.

I'm so machoor!!! ←← LOL@that

On the plus side, before I gas, I move very quickly for my size. My sparring partner didn't believe that I weigh 253 lbs. Let me lose the 25 like I want. [white girl voice]Oh...my...god! Ohmigawd![/white girl voice]

But, for real, there is more room for improvement than you can imagine. I could not sink a guillotine on that smooth, bald head. My cardio is ass. But, Imma fix THAT.

Can somebody go to Sam's Club and get me one of those Tub o' Ibuprofen bottles, please! Thank you in advance!

Bash de Bunda

Women are appalled by this. I'm amused.

"Would you really let some chick smash her sweaty, musty, juicy booty into your face like that?!?"

Uh...hell yeah! In fact, if you got a big, shapely ass and can do a handstand like that chick without powdering your metacarpals: Call me!

Haha!

Crash and...BURN

Ever feel like you're actually at the point where you'll break if something else doesn't give? I screech up to that precipice at nearly full speed and then brake. It isn't a game of chicken. It's that I don't realize how close I am to that precipice until I'm right up on it.

Shoes smokin' like Frederick P. Flintstone's feet...



Dating...

Y'all been doin' this shit all these years? No wonder half of y'all are completely fucking nuts. Shit. Everybody's looking for The One, while they're hangin' out with The Few; but talkin' shit to the many. The fear is palpable. I can smell it...like a schmear on the bottom of my shoe ill-gotten by stepping on an shitty, unseen Pamper left out in the Georgia sun for the six hottest hours of the day. She's thinking, "If I give one mo' muthafukkah a piece of my heart and he breaks it, it might drive me insane." But, she'll never say it. He's thinking, "If I go out with another chick portraying herself like she's a lady, but she's actually crazy as fuck..."

More later, maybe. I just dozed.