Assholic Reflections

I crack me up.

You know, if you can discover a product, service or system that appeals to stupid people, you can make yourself RICH. There are a LOT of stupid people in this world.

Look at your television. 45-65% of the shows on your screen would NOT be there if there were no stupid people to watch them. This is a market-driven economy. If there is no market for something, it goes away. Look in the back of your closet for proofs of this theorem. Man vs. Food? Really? EVERY reality show? Don't weasel now because YOU like a stupid TV show.

Even MMA, which I like, is ultimately some dumb shit. Two dudes step into a cage, do some antisocial, felonious tomfoolery to each other and then they're supposed to speak intelligibly to a camera while standing there dripping sweat and blood on the mat and discuss who they'd like to savage next. The guy who just got his ass kicked is supposed to stand up (or, wake up) and analyze just why he got his ass kicked and then shake the hand of the guy who just stomped him out. Yeah…dumb. But, at least I recognize it.

Anyway….

Orange hair

Sistas, you can (are going to) do what you want with your hair. We already know this. So, let's keep the eye rolling to a minimum, if we can. Still, we need to talk. Orange hair…really?!? You realize that you're not doing that to please your man, right? That is purely a personal decision on YOUR part. No brotha's ideal woman has orange hair unless he's an anime fan and has never had real boobs pressed on his face intentionally. If he had any input into your decision to dye your hair orange it was probably during an exchange like this:

YOU:    I'm going to dye my hair.

HIM:    *looking at TV* OK…

So, let's be real. While y'all are clownin' weaves and wigs, you REALLY need to be lookin' at your orange-assed head and tellin' yourself to stop it.

FOOTNOTE: Blonde ain't for everybody EITHER.

This has been a public service announcement sponsored by the We Try Foundation (WTF).

Morning dumps

I'm still not understanding what moves a dude to leave home, drive all the way to work, and THEN take a dump. Can you please stop that? Pinch that off at home. Spare me the uncomfortable moments of taking shallow sips of breath in a vain attempt to avoid inhaling your effluvia. And, yeah, I know that's a "natural bodily function", but you emerging from the stall, initiating eye contact and cheerfully greeting me? Especially on those occasions when you don't even bother to LOOK at the sink, let alone wash your soiled mitts? Uh…no. That's socially unacceptable. Go home and try again tomorrow.

Back pain

My back is twinging. My dad could probably tell me whether this is my sciatic nerve or some other shit. But…Ion't really even care. Just make the hurting stop.

My daughter used to walk on my back when she was little. She would giggle and dig her li'l toes in while trying to balance on my back. It was perfect. She's 5'8" and 160 lbs. of muscle now. She'd put me in a wheelchair even if she WASN'T in a bad mood, if she walked on my back, now.

So, I tried getting a li'l, Asian babe to be my girlfriend. She could've walked on my back for me. It would've been a symbiotic relationship of mutual appreciation, shared cultures and, of course, libidinous pursuits illegal in some sovereignties. After she walked on my back, she could sit on my front. Of course, like most of my 2011 endeavors, THAT turned to shit. *psy*

So, now what? Now, I'm masking my limp with my signatory pimp walk. çLMDBAO@that

It'll get better soon. I'm cautiously optimistic about that and a few OTHER things in my life, right now. I wish I had something to sip to the hope that I didn't just jinx myself by putting this down where psyqyq's nemesis can take note of it. That's a muted reference to past entries for the uninitiated. Ask, if you're so inclined.

Anyway…later.